Is it possible to not be a dry drunk and not go to AA?
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What is a dry drunk?
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A dry drunk is someone who continues to exhibit the thinking and actions of an active alcoholic but just doesn't consume alcohol.
For me, my drinking didn't keep me drunk, my thinking did. I would lie, cheat, and manipulate people to get what I wanted. I would justify my drinking by tearing other people down and allowing them to tear me down. I had very little self respect and my actions were ruled by my self-centered needs.
My path took me to AA. That is where I learned sobriety, changing my thinking and making amends for the harm I have (and still can) caused.
It's not the only path to sobriety (read: not being a dry drunk). That is a personal decision.
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Thanks TJ! Personally I have a huge aversion to AA. My father has been in the program 35 years & pushed it on me when I was younger. I'm very familiar with it, but it doesn't resonate with me. My Mom quit alcohol without AA 15 years ago, but I know it wasn't an easy path & she relapsed many times. I feel good in my current decisions with not drinking, I finally have got to a point where it's not serving me any longer. I was just curious if anyone knows of tools other than AA that can help keep you from being a "dry drunk", I realize it's a very real thing. Thank you so much for your time! 
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What I'm gathering from what I'm reading is it's just stopping "cold turkey" & not doing "any of the work" to change the behaviors that lead you to drink/drug in the first place. "White knuckling it"
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I've heard anecdotally that some in AA will call you a "dry drunk" if you are abstaining without AA. As TJ shows, that thankfully isn't a universal belief.
For various reasons, I've decided that AA isn't for me also. SMART recovery seems like a much better fit for me.
I haven't tried NA myself, but I know that a lot of people with alcohol use disorder find it a helpful alternative as well.
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Choose a path that helps you move beyond the thinking and behavior that keeps you from having a happy, sober life. At the end of the day, I think that is what all of us here want.
While I am a member of AA, that is just one tool I have used. I am also relied on therapy and anti-depressants when I had to sort through other issues that impact my thinking. I also rely pretty heavily on philosophy, the original self-help books 
Find your path and keep asking for help. No one stays sober alone.
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I love my AA people but hate the theology and terms like this. It keep me from getting help after my initial exposure for years. The concept of a "dry drunk" is insulting to me but you absolutely want some form of sober community, looks like your starting now!
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Of course you can overcome the whole dry drunk stigma without AA. AA is merely a program. A tool. But the overall objective to sobriety is to be able to not only change habits, but your way of thinking. People do this on their own all the time. I too had a mom who grew up in AA and practiced all the principles. I'm well versed in the literature and the environment. To me, it didn't work. I felt comparisons while there. Found a lot of varying degrees of sad, edgy and outright angry people in the few groups I met. I was just trying to figure out how to replace the self destructive tendencies in my mind with optimism, charge for my life and an ability to be back in control of how I reacted to the world around me. But joy was the ultimate goal. And once I was dead set in my mind on finding that - there was nothing I wasn't willing to do to fix it. I think some people think AA is the only way because there's people there who hold them accountable. People who can literally tell you the next step. That all felt like safety nets to me. As an ex military guy, I'm capable of admitted when I f up. I'm capable of being able to have honest conversations with myself as to what my shortcomings are. A lot of people struggle with that part of getting sober. The reality of getting real with yourself. Because in those moments we have to stare down a lot of ugly truths about ourselves and that is the hardest part of getting sober. But... It is obtainable. And it is easier as you go. Learn how to say you're sorry for past mistakes. Not everyone will forgive you, but even those who won't will still have to acknowledge at some point that you're not the person you once were. Even if they never say it to you personally. That's okay. Just wake up every day willing to fight for something good, being someone morally good that you'd be proud to know and never stop remembering that the end game is to keep finding joy in life. There'll still be many hard days ahead. But don't quit. And don't think you're"doing it wrong "because someone at AA said you're not working steps. The goal is to get sober. You can achieve this in many ways.
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Thank you Dan! Going to check it out! I appreciate the info!!
Thank you TJ! I needed that!! 
Thank you Ross, that's a very good point. I'm going to start reaching out for help. I didn't realize how much I actually need it
First, thank you for your service. Second, thank you for saying that. I'm pretty good at being realistic with myself but thinking I deserve better/more has always been a struggle. I had an issue that came up tonight & I drank. I'm hoping I won't beat myself up too bad, & just learn from this experience. I totally get why I did what I did, in the future I just need to figure out different tools to deal with issues as they arise in public settings.