A friend of mine opened up to me awhile back about being an alcoholic and wanted to get sober. I've been open about my recovery journey with her and was really touched she felt comfortable coming to me. I offered to bring her to my AA home group of women who continue to be a huge support system for me. She's decided instead to focus more inward - she has therapy every week, etc. I really feel everyone's recovery is a personal journey and different programs work better for different people. Yet, there's a part of me, I think it's my ego, that feels like she should connect with a sober community and at least try an AA meeting with me. Ultimately I need to focus on my own recovery and know I can't (and shouldn't try!) to control how others choose to navigate sobriety. All I can do is offer my experience, strength and hope. Curious if anyone else struggles with their own ego when helping others in sobriety?
Great Topic Molly. I can definitely relate from both sides of the equation. I’ve helped others who choose a different path, and now I have an old school sponsor who is putting fear in me for only going to 3 meetings a week as I explore therapy, yoga, and other healing activities. I believe one of the issues is AA (some people, not necessarily the program) use fear as a motivator. I’m literally scared that if I don’t go to a certain amount of meetings a week, that I’ll relapse. A little fear is not necessarily a bad thing, but we shouldn’t project that onto a friend who chooses another path. We AA’ers are in a bit of a pickle due to this hardline message. I’m trying to accept that there are many ways and paths to sobriety. It really does make a lot more sense to believe this way…but it does make you think twice about things. I think the important thing is to support your friends recovery journey. We can all learn from each other if we are open and honest
On a side note, why do we “struggle” with our feelings? I’m always struggling with this and that. We’ve got to come up with a more positive attitude towards dealing with our feelings. I’m tired of “struggling”. If you can figure this out, please let me know!
I agree Lee.. some people in AA are all in, but that’s ALL they are in. They don’t have anything else. Is it fear within themself holding them there? Don’t know.
Molly I had the same type of thing happen with a friend. He called me, and after several hours eventually admitted he needed to go to detox. After he was released I asked him about AA and he declined to try and stay sober on his own. I don’t push, or even bring it up. But I will and have to always stay available to him in any way I can. That’s the giving back that what was given freely to me.
Nothing wrong with telling people what works for you. Then it’s on them.
Stay openminded and leave the door open. It's a "program of attraction, rather than promotion."
Hey Molly! I think I may be similar to your friend, in that I went the route of therapy as well. Truly accepting that I was an alcoholic (along with other mental health issues) felt like something I needed to understand and fully come to terms with, and I needed the help of a professional to do so. It felt too personal to take into a room and to share with others.
I could not have gotten sober without my therapist. The need for a community like AA did not come for me until after a year into my sobriety. She may need to connect with herself first before connecting with others.
I can also relate to you! I have a friend who has yet to figure out his footing, still is trying to moderate his drinking, and it pains me sometimes to know that it’s my ego causing me to worry so much and want him to get sober and stop playing risk. The most important part is offering your support, and then letting it go. With love and compassion, we can be there when they’re ready.