I really want to be clean of the poisonous grime and scum I leave behind on every beaten path I’ve recklessly wandered and over time worn away like a creek you find just off of a major river that cuts its curving banks.
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You can do it, I have 15 months clean from meth.
If I can do it, so can you!
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Hi Dylan..one day at a time ..one hour at a time...one minute at a time:wink:...you're gonna be ok dude 
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You got this🥳
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I don't know how much time you have but my advice to you is that you hang out with people who have serious recovery time. Get phone numbers, swallow your pride and use them.
Get to NA or AA(principles are the same) meetings, get a sponsor and take the 12 steps.
The action you take is well worth it.
Remember too that,
Nothing changes if nothing changes. If you keep on doing what you've always done you'll keep on getting what you've always gotten.
No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside.
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How??!!?!
Thank you for taking the time to respond in support. 
I love this!!! Great advice!!!
Dylan
The other thing I want to tell you is that I really want you to get recovery. There's a big difference between living sober and being a slave to drugs and/or alcohol.
The first thing you have to realize is you didn't get this way overnight so you're not going to get better overnight. It's going to take some time. You're going to have to be able to walk through the pain.
There are going to be times where the cravings are so terribly bad and this is why you need to be able to get to meetings and also use your phone. If we try to do this on our own we fail every time.
I want to paste something here that comes from the Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It can apply to anyone that is suffering from addiction. Alcohol itself is a drug. When I read this back in 2003 it really opened up my eyes and it was the beginning of my journey into sobriety. It comes from a chapter in The Big Book entitled the Doctor's Opinion.
In these few paragraphs you will see why we had to drink or drug, why we couldn't stop, and what was going to be required in order to recover.
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol.(or drugs) The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are
*restless, irritable and discontented
unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the
*phenomenon of craving develops,
they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an
*entire psychic change
there is very little hope of his or her recovery.”
If you read the promises in AA it goes over everything that will happen to us in due time by taking the 12 steps. This is how we get that entire psychic change that is noted above.
Here are the promises.
If that sounds like something that you want you need to check into an AA or NA meeting. The principles are the same. Get a sponsor and go through the steps and you can turn your life around.
I too was once a slave to addiction. I'm as alcoholic as they come and there was a time in my life where I just knew I was going to die a drunk. I gave up and nothing was ever going to help me.
But here I am today with many many blessings. I'm a homeowner with a wife and two step kids. It has its moments but overall it is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
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