I am currently feeling alot if emotions about so many diff things going on for me right now. I feel numb that i cant even break down and cry to let it all out. I just want all this i dunno sadness/ anger /guilt / shame ect to leave my body so i can give my self self love care and compassion in a healthy way. 
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I know exactly what you are going through right now as I am feeling all of the same. It has been 117 days sober for me right now after more than 2 decades of alcohol abuse. Even though I have been successful in overcoming the alcohol and have zero desire for it now or ever again the fallout of my decisions is still occurring and out of my direct control.
What has helped me tremendously through this is a very strong spiritual connection with God (I have almost completely finished reading the scriptures during this time for the first time in my life).
This has been transformational for me and I highly recommend it for anyone (especially for those of us going through our new journey forward).
It has been the main strength on which I have been able to draw from and have full confidence that my life will forever be changed positively instead of the self destruction is has been for so long.
I’ll pray for your recovery and successful transformation also. 
I am in the same boat myself I’m sorry I have turned to exercising and god to try to help me with my mental issues I don’t know what your background is but I would recommend exercising at the least you won’t believe how much better you feel after a decent workout session and it doesn’t have to be anything crazy just walking or doing stretch exercises can help you feel better
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I suggest to maybe do groups,church, and meetings, plus go to as many as meetings as you can and share about it at meetings, get a phone list/ meeting list and call those women on the list ,pray about it, and I suggest to get a sponsor, also exercising those things has help me! I'll pray for you and send you a friend request if you ever want to talk