Another thing that worries me is that I'll end up like these people who aren't responding to their messages. And this is weird that I even think this way because life is happening all around us. hopefully these people are still sober and just have found use for people and networks and other ways to keep themselves sober outside of this app.
I said all that to say that it just bothers me that these people that I was talking to on and off here, are just like. gone.
what happens to us? If my hopefulness is wrong I wonder? Like where is that thing that line. Where is that thing that will drag me down. Where is it hiding and how can I see it coming. Why am I so scared of it? Why is it so hard for me to live in the encouragement of all the things that I've overcome so far?
I wish this was easier. I wish this was something that I can control with hard work and routine. But I've seen people with these two qualities, plus all the spiritualism and support in the world to back them up, go right back to the mess. Just literally disappear off the face of the Earth.
Why is it so easy to give in, knowing how awful it was on the other side?
-end rant-
