I almost had 3 days.. i have my sobriety tracker so everyone can see hoping that would keep my selfish self clean… i will no be taking it down and will not be sharing until im atleast a day clean again… i have started this over and over.. i know what to do… the tools i have been taught to use.. the lessions in life that have led me to be an addict the bad choices which have also led to a bigger addict… the on going drug use that has left me empty imside and the people and family i lost along the way.. leaving every addictive place with nothing but my head down and trash bags i’ve carried over my shoulder with nothing but a few clothes and maybe a blowdryer if that.. i don’t want that to be the case now but if i do not stop usuing i will lose everything i worked so hard to have in my life and especially my own life. I don’t want to leave my children looking over my casket wondering why mommy didn’t quit the drug life when they asked her too… i finally admit defeat and possibly need a recovery family.. why share this in Loosid? Because what im doing is not working.. its hiding my sin and not dealing with it.. my sin of addiction… so i wait for the sun to rise knowing i do not have another drug use left in me for the sake of not only my children but for myself also.. my name is Kala and i do not want to be an addict anymore so until i can get my first day clean there will be no more counting days, months or years. Why am i sharing this? If i am to sray out of a rehab i have to stay clean.. in order to stay clean is to do something out of my comfort zone.. #aloneandtired. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS… my mama always said. I need help and not from a rehab this is the cold hard truth. I’m willing to share this part of my life on the Lossid community app because for some reason the box I live in doesn’t reach the community around it.
I lost everything. All I had left was a backpack, a Bible, and a few clothes. I never thought I’d get sober. I had success, degrees, all the things that were supposed to mean I wasn’t “an addict.” But the truth was, I was the problem. I couldn’t see past myself. Couldn’t see I needed help, someone that could really help me understand life, from trauma, to therapy. So I got into therapy, joined programs and kept myself busy
I had to make the decision, come H*ll or high water, I’m staying sober.
You’re not alone. If you’re willing to try, that’s enough for today. Keep reaching out. Keep showing up. This journey back to yourself… IT’S WORTH IT!
Check out the resources in the app, for the ones that you feel will help you rn. Try BetterHelp. Listen to the podcast, and keep showing up here every day.
We’re here with you.
Thank you for sharing part of your story with me