How to do evenings without drinking. It’s my reward, release, relief, my one true pleasure after every anxiety-filled day. How do I get from 4pm to midnight without it?
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Anxiety goes done when you get sober
The idleness is the tough times. I try to stay busy, drink seltzer water to make it. If it gets really bad I’ll have a non alcoholic beer or something. I think doing something different to break the habit is key for me, reading or cooking something instead of fixing a drink.
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Go to an AA meeting after work.
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Meetings and fellowship are the best thing for idleness. Build a support system get a sponsor.
It’s very difficult. I thought the same thing and I’m only 5 days sober. I like to read so I kinda isolated myself in my room to read and play a game on my iPad as my husband is downstairs drinking which has made it even more difficult for me but somehow I’ve managed. I’ve started therapy and have mustered the courage to attend a few meetings. I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s hard but if I can be 5 days sober with a drinking husband present, you can too🙏
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Easier said than done. I know. I pray I can continue on the journey I’m on at just 5 days and it took me a while to get here. Just know you’re not alone
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There are many things I do to reward myself or relieve stress other than drinking. Reading, watching movies, playing guitar, meditation, exercising, walking, swimming, cooking, sexxx 
, AA meetings, service, hot bath, massages, painting, sleep, talking to friends, sponsoring and the list goes on.
Drinking ended up amplifying my stress and became a weight around my neck.
If drinking still worked without the nightmare hangovers and consequences, I’d still drink. That ended a long time ago.
Read good books.
You know that feeling you get when you have that first drink? It's actually placebo; alcohol takes 6 to 8 minutes to get to our brains. Every other pleasure we thought we got from alcohol was an illusion as well.
You gotta be honest with yourself: is it actually a reward, a release, a relief, or even pleasure? Calling it all of those sounds like you're desperately clinging to the alcohol. Look at your statement and picture it as if your mother, brother, child, or someone else equally important to you, were to say that. Hopefully that'll give you a different perspective.
Volunteer and/or get involved with orgaztions that meet at night after work.