Every day I wake up with anxiety because I just don't want to fail. That's my biggest worry. As a single father I think about is doing the right thing so my child doesn't suffer. She reassures me all the time I'm doing the right thing by her and she says she's happy with me. But I feel that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I put a lot of pressure on myself because of it. Every time something good happens a million bad things follow up with it. As if the universe doesn't want me to get ahead and stay stuck in my situation. I've tried to get sober before and practice it daily but nothing good seems to come out of it. Im still depressed full of anxiety and worse feel as if I will never get ahead. I've been begging and asking GOD for years to answer this one prayer of getting better but it just seems like no one is listening. I've tried therapists, church, programs, inpatient, outpatient, psychiatrists, counselors, meditation, asked help from others and still feel stuck. I'm getting so exhausted of doing this all one and not having any support whatsoever. No family or friends to call or rely on. Im literally lost without words for all this and I can only think WHY ME. Why do I have to keep doing this and going through this? It's going to be almost 30 years of a struggling and I am so tired of hearing people say it will be ok you'll eventually get a break. I don't see it. I feel like JOB in the Bible. I've lost everything I love and always wanted but unlike him I don't see the happy ending where everything comes back 10 fold and my life begins to feel happy. I want to be happy more than anything in life. Someone I can call when things are going good and have when they are not. Does anyone else feel like this and as if they are tired of being tired? Will I ever get the break and ahead like I've been urning for all my life? Will I ever find away of this lonely Island? And will I ever be able to look back and say thank God I'm not there anymore and in a better place? Please don't comment if your just going to say it will get better that's not what I need to hear..
I am also a single mother and felt everything you said to the “T”. Life is SO hard being a single parent and we tend to forget about ourselves in the process. We work, clean, manage sports, play mom and dad… literally everything falls on US, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I go to rehab friday, i’m tired of just existing and not living. Tired of relying on a substance to just get me out of bed then to just leave me to suffer OVER AND OVER AGAIN. My son motivates me to be a better person and made me realize that if i’m not happy , it affects him whether i believe it or not. I am so proud of the person he is becoming and has been … if i fail him now…. i could never live with myself.It’s DRUGS OR MY SON. I will never accept anything over him. I can’t risk losing him or even stand the thought! My father committed suicide when i was young and let me tell you… YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS YOU. It’s simply drugs/alcohol OR your daughter, that’s the reality. Are you willing to lose her?
Stay strong. 
Life is not what everyone reads about in a fairy tale or sees in a movie. It is more complicated than that. We are faced with issues that scare us and problems that seem to be unmanageable. There is no right answer to any of it. Except what will benefit ourselves in the long run to become the person we need to be in order to make it through life. Our children depend on us for everything and we have no option to fail. If we do that means we are failing them and THAT IS NOT AN OPTION. As a single parent the pressures of the world are pressed harder against us because we are doing the work of two which gets so tiresome. At times we want to quit and throw our hands up saying I can't anymore. But we can't because our children our rooting for us to do the right thing and make the right choices. Failure is not an option because if we do fail then we are failing them and ruining their life. And that's not fair at all to them. They did not ask for this and to brought into a world where no one cares about them. We choose to bring them in and have made the decision to be there parent. Our goal is not to become rich work for materialistic items or even live the American dream. It is to live for our children and do whatever it takes to make sure they are always happy and provided for. That's all that counts and should matter. Congratulations on going to rehab and finally saying,"enough is enough." It's not going to be easy but you seem to have the motivation to make it through and the will not to quit. Just keep your eyes focused on the prize and that's to be the best Mommy in the world that you have been for so long. You will get back on track and one day be able to look back and say, Thank God I made the right choice. My son is so happy and I'm in a better place for it. Best of luck and don't forget to be proud of yourself for making the first step. You owe it to yourself. You'll be in my prayers and just know you have a lot of people rooting for you. Know let's get this done.our children can't wait another second.
F*** YEAH! What’s the american dream anyways? I keep asking myself that and say F the american dream or what people think life after kids or with kids is “supposed” to be. Get married, buy a house, have kids… that order or we are doing it wrong? I THINK NOT. I’m doing it right with or without anyone to help. Look at the people who still did the more socially acceptable way of going about it… Are they happier than us? Do they have better kids…?? I think not. We are doin tha dam thang! 
#teamsingleparents ALL DAY BABY. We are the whole package and then sum. 
I couldn't agree more and you are definitely right about us being the whole package. The more haters you have, the more it's known how much you got it going on. Keep shooting for the stars and don't stop once you hit them. there's so much more in the universe to discover beyond them.