I’m 77 days sober and have been doing well until today. I am exiting a toxic relationship with a narcissist and alcoholic in denial. I moved out to protect my sobriety, but she has a lot of my things and my dog. I have been trying to get them amicably, which include family heirlooms special to me, but she is holding them attempting to manipulate and control me. I finally had had enough and told her we were done for good and all heck broke loose, which really agitated me, which is a trigger of mine for drinking. I’ve calmed back down again a good bit without relapsing, but can’t seem to extricate myself from this situation and am afraid of relapse. Has anybody encountered anything similar and any suggestions on how avoid a relapse? I’m starting to feel that is what she’s trying to drive me to relapse to get her drinking buddy back.
You need to get some support. AA is great in crisis mode. Talk about it with other alcoholics and be mindful of negative thoughts.
Meetings helped me in my similar situation. Now I have a great supportive group that cares and I really don’t think about her anymore. I moved out and filed for divorce to protect my sobriety. The police might be able to help you get your stuff back, or the threat of it. Hang in there, going back to booze won’t fix anything.
Sending good thoughts your way
Don't play her game. Your recovery is far more important. Agreed with the above comment, I'd contact police to get my things and I'd stay away.
Sending good vibes. Don’t let her have any kind of power over you. Don’t let her stupidity get the best of you and win. If she doesn’t want to give you your things back take her to court. Don’t let her control you you have control over you. Remember your are powerless over the situation you left. Btw you did the right thing. Letting go of people places and things sometimes are the hardest decisions you have to make in sobriety but you got this. I promise you this too shall pass. You’ll learn this as a stepping stone. Move on for the greater good and do you. It only gets better. One day at a time. Keep your head up and be proud of your sobriety and don’t let people manipulate you into drinking it’s really not worth it. Your worth is so much more. Good luck!!
Bring some fellow AA's with you when you go to collect the dog and heirlooms. It works!
That’s very good idea. Yesterday was tough. She was drinking and got mean and tried to manipulate and control me with my things and dog. She was starting to getting some traction by refusing to give them to me or keep some and give some back. I finally just cut off contact, called my AA sponsor and settled down and let the anger go. She knows I am in recovery and am sure she’s trying to get me to relapse so she gets her drinking buddy back.
Yeah, it's a difficult situation. She's still "in the grips."
Leave it to a narcissist to treat you like doo doo and then throw a fit when you leave been there done that you just got to keep getting out
Yes on the drinking buddy... but like any good alcoholic that's drinking she'll leave you be once you realizes that you aren't going to drink with her any longer
Thank you Tim. Let’s hope so. I had to block her. Couldn’t handle the agitation with all the back and forth (love you, hate you), threats, and drunk calls. If it doesn’t give you peace, let it go. I’ll let her chill for awhile and then try to get my things and dog out of there peacefully.
I'm telling you there's a step for that. Step program works on this it's just the way it is ,I don't even know I just know there's certain things that I can do to get out of any relationship now