5 months of sobriety after never being sober before. No drinking, weed, cigarettes. Found God behind logic. Made friends. I changed so much in 2023 that it's difficult to recognise myself. Starting studying again. Developed projects and hobbies. Found a person I can be proud of.
One curious day.
"Just a seed of curiosity can grow and lay waste to a temple if not plucked from the soil."
I found out about legal thc. Late to the game, I thought there's no way it'll cause intoxication. It does.
The weeks since I've used, depressed, ashamed, comfortable in misery again.
I've not drunk, though. I want to. I think that if I do, then the self and spiritual betrayal becomes real. Half of me says, "Why not? If I've already slipped, I may as well fall all the way down."
The other half argues, "The tragedies of redemption are only necessary for those who learn to love evil."
I know what I need to do. I will. How much longer and further into this failure I go is in the air, though. Thank you for reading if you did, and caring if you do.
Don’t drink Rowan 
There is no logic with regards to "god". God is a man-made idea.
Please seek help in a fellowship that is based in practicality. AA is free and everywhere. There are even more god centric meetings if you need that. But the main part is to find other people and network and stay connected and to also help others!
There is no logic with regard to God, i know. Thats why i found the almighty behind (or beyond) logic. As far as man made, I think it could be seen both ways: man, as a God made idea.
Whatever the case, I know what to do and how to do it. It's just a matter of time until I can hear the music again.
You've slipped up and caught it ...sought help, etc. I'm honestly on the side of cannabis being medicine but if you are getting intoxicated on it then ,yes, it is a slip up. Limit the damage and get back on the wagon. The longer you are off , the harder it is to get back on. I've had 4 long stints of sobriety with relapses in between and I've found limiting the duration of that relapse is key. Catch it early , then you can get right back into your sober routine pretty quickly. Go on a week long bender , then you'll probably need detox , a month in rehab , etc before getting back to your life...in my experience of course.
Regardless, absolutely don't drink, get back to one day at a time until you are stable again. Physical meetings if you can. Good luck my man.
Move forward one day at a time.
How big of a hard on do you getting going around telling everyone that there is no God? Must be a pretty big one considering how often you do it.
Why do you ask? You interested in my hard on?
You only ever focus on my godless spiel. You never focus on the main part of my comments. The practical, non wizardry part.
I didn't mean for this to be an Atheist Vs Theist debate. Isn't life boring enough?
Not that there's much actual debate. . .
It’s not just about the real world actions, but about your heart actions. What’s your basis for using legal marijuana? Not something you necessarily need to share, but just something to reflect on for yourself. A boat can float in water, but it can also sink in it. Whether you float or drown is actually within your on decision making power.
Yes let’s see it!!
I'm shy now. Too much buildup. What if I can't deliver?
Rile #111 of sobriety: Focus on the future, not the past. You slipped up.. if it helps identify the why so next time that thinking enters the room, you'll recognize it for what it is.
You knew what thc is and what it does, but tried it anyway. That may be something to think on, why did you think it would help?
It sounds like (I'm just throwing this out there, may be completely off track) you thought thc could be a tool to help deal.
Now you know it's not a tool for you, drop that tool and move on to the next.
Is dwelling on this mistake doing anything to help you?
PS I have no idea how many rules of Sobriety there are, seems like there are tons, follow the ones that help you and leave the rest.
Talk to your sponsor about it. It’s the 5th step.
For Micheal, Taylor is allowed to post his point of view, as are you.
What should not happen is anyone criticizing someone else's program.
If the two of you must have this showdown, take it somewhere else. This is not the place.
Oh and it's neither Failure nor Defeat.
It's progress.