I relapsed tonight, I'm angry with myself.. trying to please everyone else, because expectations are so high for me.
Can't seem to hold this expectation, they still hold me to this standard.. but I'm tired of being the strong one 
no one knows of my alcoholism.. so I hide it. I don't know if I can do it anymore 
You aren’t a failure, Courtney. There’s help if you want it. Only you will know when you are done being a slave to the drink. Hang in there.
You are completely fine. It’s only a lapse unless you drag out the behavior long term
We are all trying to be our own perfect, screw trying to be someone else’s. Are you attending any meetings?
Reminds me of this card I have with me at all times. I carry around in my wallet. It says: Page 420 Big Book. "Perhaps the best thing of all for me is to remember that my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations." Then I added to it and wrote this: 'High Aspirations, Low Expectations.'
You know what’s cool though? You can start over tomorrow, tomorrow is a new day dear. Sobriety is selfish, but the good selfish, it HAS to come before anything and anyone else. You do it for YOU, no one else. Don’t be afraid to reach out- we are all here for the same thing, and the support of other addicts who get it and understand. If you don’t have the support you need, come here for it. And always feel free to send me a message.
Your main problem is living for other’s expectations when you have alcoholism to address.
Yessss
I've tried meetings. My social anxiety is not ready.
#facts , coupled with hiding your alcoholism, that’s the opposite of accepting that you have a seriously problem, taking accountability then working to stop drinking and fix it before it gets worse. Especially if you keep hiding it
Social anxiety is something everyone has. It's a collective energy that takes control of most people. Just simply realizing it is a widespread energy, helps give me the power to not get swept up in it, as it does everyone else.
For me, since I have had a bunch of slip ups, I focus on self development. Small steps work best for me at the beginning, and this time I've got almost a month and I feel strong in it. I choose to labe alcohol in excess as alcohol abuse, and rather than chase the buzz I pursue other things that bring lasting peace etc. It starts today, ever day.
You are not a failure. It happens. Get back up. Dust yourself off. And try this again. You can do this!
Sounds familiar. If tired of hiding it, just don’t! Being open with my recovery just got me my dream job.
Super thankful for this community.. I appreciate everyone's responses!! As some of you said, today is a new day. I will try again and again. I feel like I set myself up last night, there were ways to avoid the situation... But I just simply didn't try very hard. Which doesn't make sense to me, because I want this so badly, so why am I not putting up my best fight?
Try just tuning into a zoom one with camera and mic off might be a good way to ease into it if you haven’t tried that approach
Exactly. Shame breeds in the dark @courtney145099 … the bigger the shame the worst your alcoholism will get
What is the fear in telling someone who may understand?
Not really fear, but I'm not ready. I don't have a lot of people to tell anyway.
Thanks Brittney!!!