Far from being where I want to be right now

Far from being where I want to be right now. Just took my second k shot and 5th viva for the day. Wishing I could leave this stuff alone but don’t have the will power for what comes afterwards. It’s stolen so much from me and yet I crave the sickness it gives. Just want to be done with it. Anyone here suffer from K? Keep saying I won’t touch it tomorrow, I’ll suffer and it will be done with but the suffering comes before than And I always cave. Always disappointed