I almost resisted the urge and there was a small moment where I was in wise mind but I have learned from my last slip up that I had an illusion and I got to confident which leads to decisions not in line with my goals. I have felt like death these past 24 hours and it's time to have a sponsor and call during moments I want to run on self will. I am not stuck here and will move forward but it is never a good idea to use a mood altering substance when my reward center in my brain just can't handle the ups and downs. I like natural emotions and being present, actually going to do what I say I'm gonna do. Its okay for me to have a thought about it but I don't need to act on it.
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