I am trying so hard to get back to my normal self. But I guess I'm not normal cause I'm a damage recovering addict. My heart is heavy with such pain and suffering. I swear I don't won't to give up but I lose everyone I love and matter to me most by them going home to our higher power. They were my loving support and now I feel so lost and alone again like I did in the end of my addiction. I swear I don't want to get high ever again but the truth is my addiction help me not feel no pain. I'm quiting my job a company I worked hard for and had so much pride working for. But today I had my last straw broken by this company and I rather have a peace of mind and not have to fight to go to work everyday especially even stay through the time I'm to work. I worked 6 days a week and 12 hours a day and I use to live every minute of it and looked forward going back the next day to do it all over again. Especially when I only had 5 hours a sleep everyday. Today for the the first time I really hate my job and left early because I feel my job will cause me to relaspe.relapse. sorry for the long post but I swear I needed to share and in need of a meeting and a recovery family very badly.
Progress not perfection, you can do this. Stop labeling yourself though, instead give yourself some credit and positive affirmations like, I am strong, courageous. I am a great person with a big heart. I have a disease but I can arrest it. I know the feeling about the work thing too. I use to build custom trucks and cars for professional ball players like Miami dolphins and Marlins, even built a truck for Reggie Bush, but that job was breaking me, the life style, the late nights and the stress of everything having to be perfect. It was too much and I LOVED it! But things changed for the better. I am a water treatment plant operator, make WAY more money and no stress and the crazy thing is I got my license for that while in prison. It's so hard for us to see the end game or the long run but just take it one day at a time, hit some meetings and get some phone numbers. Building a strong network of sober people was the best thing I ever did. Just passed a year sober.
Congrad on your one year. I always get close but never make it over the one year. Like right now I can't sleep cause at this point I feel like I'm white knocking it. And I swear I really hate my job now and don't really want to ever go back. I rather die broke without everything than to work for them. I'm just so depress over the whole thing.
Welcome to the App and I am happy to encourage you to share as you have done. There are plenty of good people here and it is nice to know that we no longer have to be defined by our past.
Thank you I appreciate that...I really need the support. It really isn't easy but just for today I am clean and sober and trying so hard to stay that way and work on me