Another day. Is Saturday. Work was good. Went to the gym. Staying sober. Just feel lonely. Having drinks crossed my mind earlier but then I thought were would that take me. Will these loneliness go away? If it does I know it will come back tomorrow and the.n I will regret my decision of drinking. I know that is not the solution to my loneliness. Is this empty feeling inside that worries me. How long I be able to handle it. How do I even start filling that emptiness in my heart. I miss my (soon to be) ex wife. I feel lost. Feel numb and just wanting to cry. These sorrow is growing inside of me and overpowering my will to happiness lately. I feel like I am walking a path that is helping stay sober but the same path is not helping me to deal with my emotions and feelings. Is like I am falling in to a depressed state of mind as the day goes on. I start the day positive. Work is good and as the hours go by I start feeling sadness inside. My dad tells me I have to forgive myself for my mistakes and not to be so hard on me. But how can I do that. My mistakes are the reason why I am here. How I can not be hard on myself. I wish I knew how to.
Thanks for reading this and any comments will be appreciated and I will reply to them.
You need a bro hug…sending you a virtual one. Sobering up and having to deal with the destruction we caused is extremely painful and difficult. I apologize for the AA vibe, but this is how I did it. I believe there are other paths, but I can only share what worked for me. I showed up to a meeting completely broken. Literally had my head in my hands and cried thru the first few. After the first week, I was able to keep my head up and just wipe the tears. The love and understanding I got from the fellowship is the only thing that kept me going. I’m almost 21 months sober, I was able to save my marriage and family, I have a sponsor, I have friends…yet there are still times I feel sad and lonely. However, the feelings are a lot less intense and more manageable today. I believe that working the 12 steps of AA, along with a lot of other tools, has saved me. It’s all about connection today. I know I’m not alone, yet sometimes I don’t want to reach out to anyone. My disease wants me to isolate, and then feel sad and lonely. Today I have a daily program with lots of tools that help me stay connected. Even with all this, I get into funks. I have to do this ODAAT. I strongly suggest that if you don’t have a daily program of recovery, that you find one that suits you and get started ASAP.
I agree with the virtual hug part. sending you a virtual
hug as well bro and as for the AA part
I myself know I needed to read that at this moment.
that’s real talk
You are not alone in your situation! I'm going through the EXACT same thing. Soon to be my ex-wife, that I LOVE very much, and all. I heard someone share at a meeting and he told our story! I thought he was reading my mind! Seriously. Keep sharing. Ask yourself this question; Would I act the same way now that I'm sober? ; if not, and if it was me saying no, I'd have to let up on myself. And i have. I can't change the past. Looking into the future is too much pressure right now! I stay grounded in the present! Hope I'm not plagiarizing. Stay strong
Thanks for your advice. I go to AA Tuesday. Not really wanting to drink. Is mostly the feeling of failure.
Mental toughness is the key.. You're not lonely you have yourself and you're probably bored, but that's good though. It's ok to do nothing. Take a walk and listen to music.. You got this! It will get easier
Thanks for being real and honest.
I am proud of all of the progress I have made while I also get hit with intense waves of sadness and regret.
This path can feel especially tough when a relationship ends, remaining sober through heartache, heartbreak is TOUGH.
I have been there and still experience intense grief “ even “ five years after the end of my last relationship.
We have also been attending funerals on a consistent basis. It has felt depressing as h-ll.
This is not an easy path so often. It can feel very lonely and very hard. Tonight, I’m kind of struggling…while I won’t drink. More than anything, I felt like thanking you for your honesty, Luis.
I remind myself that everything is truly temporary and in the next hour, I could be feeling better-know?
Wishing you peace and strength.
Feel lonely too ahh
Once I started talking to others whom had similar stories I lost the feeling of failure. I realized that I was simply human and had made some mistakes in my relationships. That gave me and incredible feeling of freedom.
You do it by staying sober. Simple. Your mistakes in the past will haunt you for just a little bit as time goes on you’ll feel better.
Drinking will most definitely make your life and your lonely feeling amplified by 100 fold. That’s how it works. A short term “solution,” to long term pain.
Also idk if you can or would but join some leagues, check out the app meetup. They have everything not just athletics but board games with ppl etc. the key is to get out there and stick to sobriety.
Trust me this pain you feel now man is welllll worth it because it’s sober pain! That drunk/ next day pain 100 fold amplified pain is not worth the short gratification
Go to more meetings and reach out to your peers.
Sending positive vibes your way.
This is the first time that you have gone through something like this at your age, meaning you’re not experienced at it, so give yourself some grace. Next time you go to the gym, strike up a conversation, make a friend, set a sober boundary so they know you don’t drink, make a plan to do another activity outside of the gym.
Ultimately, when you realize that you are not your past, you are your future self that learned from your past, positive change begins. None of us are the same people we were a decade ago.
Go Go Gadget Hug. 
I really respect and appreciate the honesty and vulnerability. That isn't easy. We're all told to get rid of people/places that could lead us to temptation, but sometimes what is left out the importance of replacing them with healthy people/places. Obviously the rooms of a 12-step program is a good place, but if that isn't your thing, maybe ask yourself where the people you would like to meet would be right now?
Hang in there. You aren't alone.
Thanks Mike. Is not easy to open up. But I have gotten lots of support in this site. Which makes it easier to express myself