So, I lost my husband on 9/25, went into treatment 9/26… im almost 30 days clean and I know I absolutely want to stay on this path, even if it took me some time to admit that. I am struggling a bit these last 2 nights. I completed my rehab program and went straight to sober living and I truly think I can strive here, it’s just that all the shock and denial and guilt of losing my person really hit me hard once I wasn’t surrounded 24/7 with 30 other girls and constant support. I do like having some space and alone time especially since I truly never got a chance to fully process everything, but now it’s like too much alone time and I’m just really stuck inside my head and feeling myself wanting to isolate. I know it’s an adjustment and as I meet more people in recovery I’ll feel better, I’m just struggling to ride that out right now. I am proud of myself for being able to admit this today though, because I normally wouldn’t, I usually act first, think second.
Might help to find zoom meetings to hit while in your alone time. Or better yet, in person meetings.
Yeah I just got an app to do some zoom meetings on so I’m gonna try and do one here shortly. I’d love to go to in person ones, I’m just on this whole buddy system my first little bit here and well no one seems to be around atm. Fortunately they are taking us to one tomorrow so hopefully I’ll meet a few people, get a few numbers. Thanks for the advice 
It’s all about getting plugged in to a community of like minded folk who understand where you’re at. It works.
AA is a perfect buddy system. Reach out to some of the women at meetings, they will take care of you.
Please hang in there and don't do this alone
I have to actually leave with another member of the sober living I’m at unless I get it pre approved. I know it’ll get easier, I’ll get plugged in and get back into the swing, I’ve done it before and I’ve gotten clean time,I just truly never wanted it like I do now and then I let myself self sabotage instead of actually talking it out. Thanks for your comment though, it helps!
Thanks, I know I’ll get there and I get my 30 days when all of our houses go to the meeting together on Thursday so that’ll help, im just having a rough night, and figured I’d vent it out instead of letting it just build up.
I get it. This is my first time getting sober, I've never even tried until this time. 19 months now, and I'm sure I couldn't have done it without my AA homies.
Wow that’s truly amazing! I wish I stuck with it that strong my first time, I hate that it took losing someone for things to really just kinda click and for me to be totally willing to try anything. I’ll be good once I start talking to people, I just kinda have a tough shell and it takes me a minute to kinda find people that I click with I’m sure by the end of the week I’ll be feeling right at home in the recovery community.
You can do this one day at a time or even you minute at a time. Best advice I can give you that is start your day with a gratitude list that might help
Hang in there Amanda! You know what you want to do and you have the tools to get there! Change can be such a scary thing especially for people like us. But it’s totally worth it!! Believe and achieve!! You can do this!!!!!!!
I'm sorry for your loss, I know it must hurt deep. I'm encouraged by your commitment to work towards a better place even while in pain. Thank you for sharing your story and where you are.
Try and find some grief counseling in your area. I definitely think that will help you.
Yeah I’m definitely going to look into it. This is all new to me and of course I’m going through it right now and would like to just numb everything but that’s not going to help and I’m done with that life.
Thank you for your kind words. I would love to just not talk about it and keep it all in but I’m hoping sharing it helps not only myself get through it but maybe someone else too.
Thank you the kind words of encouragement. Having other sober people to vent to is just a must right now.
We're all in this together.
Keep trudging and reach out! It gets better.
Feel free to send me a message if you need to talk I’m here for ya!!
Totally appreciate that and love the support here. I’m starting completely over and really trying to get a community