Feeling guilty

Struggling Help
#1

I keep on going back to my D.O.C every 2 weeks I find. I’m sober from alcohol. But have been having trouble with getting into my D.O.C . N it’s been when I get excited and I have my life/things together. Thinking I’m invincible. Then next thing I know it.. I’m just staring blank. Rubbing my head. Or picking at anything possible . And so many hours go buy. And like NA says 1 is too many and a 1000 is never enough. I’m not sure how I can change and what I should do. I was in rehab . But now I’m back home and back to work part time. It’s been really hard. It’s hard to keep up I find . Meetings, literature, 3 animals n a house, my sisters my family. And very lonely my boyfriend works out of town and he has been gone 3 weeks now. I was massaging my temple so hard lastnight I think I popped something in the side of my head. I always have water in there … and infected my ear cuz my earring hole was infected so now it’s super swollen. Believe me this is so embarrassing to state this is what I’m like. Even my animals don’t like it when I’m using. I feel a lot of pressure on me and yeah . I’m struggling . And I’m having trouble with my weight gain now and have only small clothes I don’t want to be seen it. Now I want to drink tonight because I feel like garbage and it’s my sisters 30th bday. Please help. Any feedback please ……. Really had to ramble and let that all out. Thank you Loosid Fam.

Xo

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#2

Jasmine, I’m not laughing at you but you are funny😅.
Yeah that’s all the dis-ease of mind, the ego/addiction.
It’s all overwhelming! I found that once I thoroughly did the 12 steps with a sponsor, everything got easier.
I’ll friend request you now.

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#3

My life is a circus

#4

Take Deeeeep breath Jasmine…. What has worked for you in the past?

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#5

Stop and breathe

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#6

Are you working the 12 steps w a sponsor?

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#7

Jasmine I highly recommend to go to meetings, get a sponsor and do the 12 steps. These ACTIONS make everything much easier.
I sponsor too

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#8

Ramble away. :slightly_smiling_face:. People are here to listen. I am newly recovering. It is hard at certain time everyday. The fact that you are reaching out says a lot about you. You have faith that others will listen, meaning you feel there are good people out here. Further indicating you are a good person. Thank you for "rambling" It helps to know there are others out there like me, a good personn trying to better to myself with the end goal of being better to others.

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#9

I am now 2 years clean and im also teaching relapse prevention. That cycle you find yourself in is pretty common .

Pre-contemplation , contemplation
Action

Something is holding you there . Do you journal and stuff ??

Pre contemplation usually happens sometimes a few days before a slip . Contemplation usually when your subconscious is winning the argument then its actual action ( picking up , alcohol, doc or wtv )

Kinda like gambling at the casino a bit and unfortunately most of the time the house wins

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#10

Find a online program, pre occupy your mind with something else. For myself, I think of the loss that will impact myself, my family, my pets. I understand what your saying about your pets knowing when your using. I feel it too. I also think what kinda helps for me is reading others posts and relating. It feels good to know I'm not the only one and We Do Recover

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#11

Wow. That is very accurate and did go down like that…. I do journal but not that often. I probably should dedicate everyday

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#12

Im glad you relate ! Your not alone at all . Dont hesitate to reach out if i can be of any help

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#13

No I’m not

#14

The only thing that works for me was getting away from people, places and things. The things that made me obsessed about picking up my DOC….

The main thing I do today is I move a muscle change of thought.

The way I do that is I think of my head as a cookie jar and when I get those bad thoughts in my head, I immediately shake my cookie jar which is move muscle then I dump out those negative thoughts and I put in good thoughts, positive thoughts beautiful memories life experiences and I grab hold of those in my mom of weaknesses by doing that I move a muscle and a change of thought. Hopefully this helps.

#15

I sponsor over the phone, if you’re interested, we can discuss what that would be like. No pressure, just here to pay it forward.