Feeling hope

Recovery
#1

I went to a really good meeting today. The topic was hope.

I used to hope in active addiction, but I was hoping for the next one. I was hoping that I could get money so I didn't have to feel anything. I hoped at one point the pain would just end and I would be taken out of my misery only to wake up the next day cursing God for waking me up.

I know a lot of people were very upset and possibly hated me. But trust me when I say NO ONE hated me more than I hated myself. I lost all hope of ever being able to recover. I didn't deserve hope, I deserved all the heartache I was going through, or so I thought.

Hope started for me when I picked up the phone and called New Day Recovery. I was in a very dangerous situation and missed my first ride to rehab. I texted and apologized and they got me out the next day battered and bruised. They took a risk and saved my life
I will forever be thankful to them.

When I got there I was ready to give up, but the counselors and facilitators made me feel like I wasn't alone. That what I was feeling wasn't just my battle to fight, they were geared up ready to help me fight my demons. Hope started settling in even more.

I finished rehab and got my 30 days. I went to sober living for the first time in my life. I was scared and felt alone in that moment. I had no family here to be codependent on. I had no drugs to calm me when I had anxiety. So I started going to meetings and different fellowships, and wouldn't you know they were just like me, I wasn't alone. More hope settled in.

I reached 60 days sober for the first time in 4 years, a true hard earned 60 days. 60 days of battling with my own mind day in and day out. I used to hate "feeling" but after starting therapy and learning how to cope with my emotions instead of using substances to numb me I once again felt more hope stronger than ever.

I didn't know I was feeling hope until today. I haven't felt it in such a long time. And when we were talking about it I realized I'm worthy of hope now. I am blessed to be able to have the gift of hope.

13 Likes
#2

Alot of what you just wrote down was also what I was going through ty for sharing

2 Likes
#3

You're welcome just know you're not alone.

1 Like
#4

I need to find a group to go to just have not had the courage yet to go

#5

The way you fought for yourself through all of that says so much about you. 60 days after everything you walked through is huge, and you earned every bit of that hope coming back.

#6

Beautiful! Your writing is eloquent and I can feel your soul in these words. I pray for you. Keep nurturing that spark of hope and the world becomes a different place.

#7

@brittany301438 heyy can u accept my friend request. Then can u plz dm me

#8

I love when something like this happens to me it feels so amazing to realize it and catch it. That's god putting you in that meeting so you can have that moment..and I pro.ise there will be so many more of moments like that.