feeling very dark thoughts, and wondering if there’s something going on besides additive tendencies due to genetics and my overall life. I cannot seem to commit to a lifestyle better for me, and I don’t want to even burden my counselor. I don’t even want to burden you all, but I would love input on how to better myself besides AA. today I chose to take adderol not perceived to me. then I was hyper focused on fixing things that I cannot currently control, then I drank. why can’t I seem to function lately? is it because i’m focused on it ? it’s like i’m constantly lying to everyone and myself
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Dial 988 and talk to someone. You don’t need to feel that way alone and there are people out there to help you.
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The obsession, substances, and feelings of failure are all the addiction. Trying to control things you have no control over is a futile task. That’s the addiction. You said no AA… there are several other programs out there. SMART recovery, recovery Darhma… I don’t know much about them but others here do. The point is recovery is a WE thing. I can not maintain sobriety on my own. I need the support, and help from other addicts who know what it’s like to feel, think and act as I did.
I am also bipolar. In active addiction I would never had taken meds for it. Now… I can not imagine not being on them to stabilize my swings. I never felt normal, or that I fit in…until I got sober. If you want we we have and are willing to do anything to get it, there is an entire community there for you. Good luck.
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Hi Cee,
The good thing is you understand your lifestyle needs to change. Personal transformation can’t just be sobriety, you need to make changes in every aspect of your personality.
Focus on what you can control, e.g. waking up on time, strong routines, diet, performing well at your job. Don’t focus on what you can’t control, that’s a one way ticket to h*ll.
Also don’t take Adderall.
Sometimes I feel like my whole life is a lie. My mind and soul are demented and warped in ways you can’t even imagine. The confusion is enough to make some people despair and lose all hope. But you’re not gonna be one of those people. You’re gonna figure it out! Time to get to work!
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