Feeling like I’ve hit rock bottom .. again

Struggling Help
#1

This holiday season has been particularity bad for me, mental health wise. I relapsed- again- on Tuesday. In result, I lost my job thismorning. A job that I fought hard for and really excelled at.

I’ve been off and on sober from alcohol and other “party” things since 2016; my longest stint being almost 4 years. I originally had to quit when I suffered through a serious series of seizures and a mild stroke in response to how poorly I was treating myself. I relapsed in 2021 after a really tough string of losses and have been struggling since. AA never worked for me- I didn’t find any personal value in the 12 step program and I never felt it was my “thing” when I’d try my best to participate. I just really want to find that drive that I used to have back when I originally got sick of being sick and decided to get and stay sober. What’s funny is, it was easier to stay sober when I was dating someone who was a heavy drinker because it made me realize how much I resented alcohol because I despised how he acted almost every night while under the influence. Now that that person hasn’t been in my life for a couple years, it’s been a lot harder.

I know how incredibly talented I am, how caring I am, and how hard I work. But I’m feeling like a huge failure and particularly just .. lost.

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#2

My sponsor told me I've got to stop having self-pity and say the Serenity Prayer a lot and have the willingness to surrender and let a higher power guide me through I'm grateful for my sobriety one day at a time it hasn't been easy but I've left the plug in the jug

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#3

Hi, Alissa! I can totally relate to this. Happy to chat. It happened, it’s done…and you now can heal and start anew. Thats what’s keeping me out of self criticism. We can only go up!

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#4

AA never worked for me - the work had to be done by ME.

Rock bottom can be a beautiful place, it is an opportunity to finally get honest with ourselves and accept the fact that recovery isn’t about doing things however we want to. (To the contrary, addiction is about doing whatever we want.)

Notice that almost all recovered alcoholics invariably follow a certain program of recovery that involves hard work on changing themselves. This makes sense because common problems have common solutions.

I would suggest that you go to meetings and get together with recovered alcoholics because you’re trying to learn how to stay sober and they already know how to stay sober. They’ll show you how to do it.

God bless! :blush::pray:

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#5

Get a sponsor go to meetings be of service do some steps you can do it!!

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#7

It keeps going only until you stop digging yourself deeper, my friend! :pray::blush:

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#8

I hated AA and all the people in it! I tried a zillion ways on my own for well over a decade.
Then I finally surrendered and committed myself to my sober program for 1 year. Meetings 2-3 times daily, sponsor, steps and service. Quickly I learned that this was the EASIER SOFTER way. I actually loved the program and most of the people in it. My only regret was that I didn’t commit sooner.
My addiction/disease/ego kept me from freedom, from waking up!
I hope you wake up. Don’t continue to allow your ego to ruin your life.

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#9

Wow you are really going thru it! AA is not the only way, but you've done 4 years so you can do it again! Don't have any better advice than they gave except remember that everything's better sober

#10

So are you saying that you are looking for a practicing alcoholic to date to help you stay sober?
Interesting