I’ve been sober for just over two months and I want to end my life more and more. The day I stopped drinking and smoking was the day my ex-girlfriend broke up with me because the night before I drank way too much and all of my issues came pouring out of me uncontrollably. The guilt, shame, and depression is just grabbing a hold of me tighter and tighter. The more I think about how much more life I have to live the more overwhelmed I feel. Here I am posting this on the internet for anybody to read, this is rock bottom for me. I feel so alone even alongside others. The fact that I am letting another human being have this much control over me is embarrassing. I am doing therapy, coping in healthy ways, and trying so hard to move on. But today is Valentine’s day and I can only imagine who she is with and what she is doing. I don’t believe she will ever come back into my life and to think I have the rest of it to live without her just kills me inside. I don’t ever want to hurt this bad over a lover. I can’t imagine what the pain will be like once I start losing family members. The pressure of society and it’s materialistic ways, coupled with pressure of being a good son and brother, along with the failure of not being a good man and boyfriend to the only woman I love is just overwhelming me. It could be worse. It can always be worse but it just hurts so much. Working a shitty job, comparing myself to others the same age as me, and finally dealing with a lifetime of trauma is really wearing me down. I thought I would be getting better as time goes on but I only feel worse being able to identify emotions and behaviors. The more healthy coping mechanisms I develop, the more I feel like I should have done this sooner. I would be way better off and probably still with her. I dropped off some Valentine’s day gifts for her at her place and I just hope she didn’t throw it all away.
I can relate to this. I am separated, and drinking was a huge coping mechanism for me to hide from the pain of trauma.
It really is hard, and feels so lonely, especially when you break up with someone, or in my case being separated after 18yrs of marriage.
Hang in there, you aren’t alone in feeling like this, and just focus on one day at a time.
You need to focus on yourself and being the best person you can be and everything else will fall into place. I have focused my whole life on my significant other and watched myself be destroyed. You have to love yourself for anyone else to love you and you have to know your self worth. Take care of you and focus on the positives as hard as that is sometimes.
Live... you're worth it!
Suicide doesn’t fix anything all it does is create a new problem 
If you stay with us God will bring you a better life
Hey Gio! Feeling definitely isn’t easy. I’m sorry you’re going thru all of this. Hope you can simplify things and just take care of yourself. In the end this is all you really can control. The pain, frustration, anger, and anxiety come from not being able to control everything else. If you want to find a little peace in life, you gotta try and just take care of yourself, and let everything else go. Yeah it’s tight when you’re young, but if you can get your life together now, you got your whole future ahead of you. Stop running from it, and face your demons. You can heal and recover from all this.
Thanks for responding Gio Q
Bro, this is only temporary and suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I don't know how old you are but sound like late teens to twenties. I went through the same thing as you but I didn't take the healthy route and just continued to hurry my pain in drugs and alcohol. I went to prison, overdosed, alienated everyone that cared for me even through all of my BS. But I did finally get it and started to work on myself. Now I just celebrated 9 years of marriage, have a beautiful 3 year old daughter and a beautiful life. Just be proud of the fact that you are actually starting to take a look at yourself and your pain and figuring healthy was to deal and change. I know I am proud of you. If I can do it, you can do it. The girl I was going through this same thing, I thought she was the love of my life too, we were together for four years, took each others virginity and thought we were going to get married but God had a different plan. I don't look back now with regrets, yes there is a bit of guilt and shame from the way I was but if we were together now I wouldn't have the same life I have today and my beautiful little Hailey Grace wouldn't be here either! And before you say you love someone, look up the real definition of love, 1 Corinthians 10:13....you'll see that we were not at all showing it. Love is patient, kind, doesn't envy or boast, keeps no record of wrongs, is not SELFSEEKING...it is selflessness and the root of our problem is selflessness. Before we can truly love someone we must realize how freakin selfish we are, even in the smallest things. It takes hard work, pain and grit but I promise, if you are really working at it, on yourself, you will see the change in time and be a better person for everyone around you. And it's perfectly ok to be vulnerable and wear your heart on your sleeve!
Heartbreak is the worst feeling. I've experienced the worst kind recently. In the midst of it you feel lifeless, and it is hard to carry on. But you do. I came to a point where I was just through thinking about it. Thinking about what I'm not grateful for. It's so easy to do. So instead, I decided to start thinking about what I am grateful for, no matter how small. I thank God for these things, and I pray to God to give me His Heavenly blessings. I begin to see, that life is so much more than our simple time limited views of what happiness is and how you achieve it. I pray to let the eternal blessings of Heaven flow unto you.