Feeling really down on myself šŸ˜£ working on my inventory

Recovery
#1

Feeling really down on myself :persevere: working on my 4th/5th step relationship inventory & just feeling completely ashamedā€¦ Really trying to work on myself and make myself into a better person. I canā€™t stand who I was when I was drinking and Iā€™m so embarrassed of my past

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#2

Donā€™t think of it as the ā€œArianna is a d bag listā€ think of it as a snapshot of what was. Thatā€™s it. I had the same thing, shame, fear, embarrassment. My sponsor had me write a list of all the good things I am as well. And that totally helped. This is only one step, a very important one. You want to be a better personā€¦ first you need to know what needs to be fixed, and this is that way. Keep your head up. It will feel like a weight lifted when you are done!

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#3

Just keep that part in perspectiveā€¦.the past. Not now. Get that creepy stuff gone. A new you is just around the corner.

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#4

Thank you. I know you are right. Just gotta put the work in and then I will feel better eventually. Itā€™s not who I am anymore at all.

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#5

Thank you. You are right. Got to get it out and get it over with

#6

I relate so much

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#7

I feel this too. Don't give up. All we can do when the time comes is offer our amends and a genuine apology. We don't get to choose how the other person takes our amends, all we can do is offer it. Some will accept, some never will. But we have to move on.

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#8

This stuff is hardā€¦I just want to be better already but I know I have to put in the work in order to get there

#9

Yep. Youā€™re right. Sometimes I wish there was an easier way but I know that if I want true and lasting change, this is how I need to do it

#10

Yep. You have to accept things you can't change. A prayer that even the faithless like myself can understand.

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#11

Thank you for sharing this! Those of us who have done the 12 step have looked at our inventory in discussed or shame or guilt. You are not alone. Our past behaviors are a direct result of our trauma and drinking/using.

My inventory has caused me to get very real with myself. To stop thinking of how I can get what I want. This has taught me to seek friendships and have deep intimate conversation. To find a real connection with those who want it. I no longer have to fill a void.

Keep writing! Youā€™re doing great! Soon enough all this will be done. Think of those you can help after you help yourselfā€¦.

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#12

Well said

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#13

Whenever I am down on myself I take advice from an old song sang by Bing Crosby. I count my blessings. Inventory of things should never be just the bad. Inventory your success. It helps.

#14

I had a relapse directly after my 4th and 5th step because I felt so guilty over things I have done. Iā€™m going through a lot of these things with my therapist this time around. Iā€™m sorry. I know the feeling. But part of that is being a good person who knows they did things wrong. Keep your head up!

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