Feeling stuck and out of control

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#1

I’m a little over a year and a half sober and my schedule has become drastically more full. I work full time, go to school on the side (for work), go to meetings on Fridays, etc.

It doesn’t seem like it’s too much from an outward perspective, but I feel like I’m spiraling. I used to take time to just sit still and check in with myself and these days I find myself just wanting to run away instead of dealing with life. My cravings are high, I’ve talked about them, but they are still there.

I don’t want to use, but I do have a desire to just block it all out which is basically the same thing. I feel emotionally, mentally and physically drained and like I’m incapable of dealing with life for some reason.

I have a few friends I’ve made on my journey in recovery, but I don’t see them often and I feel incredibly alone. Kind of like being in a room full of people and still feeling like no one is there.

I deal with depression and that makes matters worse, but I could really use some advice on what I can do to get back on track in my recovery/any encouragement or words of wisdom.

Thank you.

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#2

Have you considered a counselor? Also find a way to destress. A hobby, or a vacation. Don't burn the candle at both ends.

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#3

Very good advice, thank you. I do have a counselor that I’ve seen regularly over the last year and a half. I’ve struggled recently to lay all my feelings out on the table, so I thought perhaps writing it down on here would be helpful.

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#4

I'm sure it can be. It may not just help you. Your post may help someone else who is afraid to post. You aren't alone. One of the things I did when I was younger was write how I felt down. Then so now one could find it I burned it. Writing how I feel down does help sort it out.

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#5

Hi Isabella. I, too, were in your emotional shoes 2 years ago. I was finishing up my last term of graduate school, mourning my grandma's death, planning a wedding, while working full-time.

I felt like I couldn't catch a break. Due to physical and mental exhaustion I found myself in tears all the time. This wasn't good for me. Being busy is how I spend my life. I realized being busy/productive wasn't the issue. I narrowed down my issues. My old job, the inability to say no and lack of self-care were my issues.

I put everything I could into finding a new job and found one 5 months later. I never thought finding a new job could be such a peaceful factor.

About once a month I run errands and leave my phone home. Not being confined to a phone all the time helps.

I take lots of hot baths with Epsom salt. I go on drives and blast my favorite songs.

I've decided that I am not arguing with people. If you tell me 2+2=5 I will tell you that you are absolutely correct.

Find the root of your anxiety and eliminate it. That'll help more than you know.

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