I am glad to be sober. Believe me, it just feels that at times, I feel absolutely empty. Like I have no soul. I have been forcing myself out of the house lately. Just to do whatever. I think it helps. I have been drunk or on something for half my life. I try to tell myself to be patient. I have made major strides, but I don't feel happy where I am in life currently. I am working on getting my GED and passed the math test. Whatever I can do to go forward. I sometimes feel lonely because my lifelong best friends have passed away from ODs. I am here for a reason, I remind myself. When I make new friends, I tend not to hang out with them. I am struggling to find an identity now. Who I am, and what my purpose is. I just know I don't want to be what I was. I had to teach myself how to do everything sober. Relearn how to deal with emotions, to even push myself. I'm still learning, too. I decided to be more active in aa. One thing being 2 years sober is that life is better, but nothing is perfect. Life threw me through the ringer the past few years. I am proud and can't believe I made it for so long. I guess the search continues. I just want peace and to be comfortable with my new lifestyle because going back isn't an option. I guess that all boils down to acceptance.
Chris, I’ve been where you are many times. Especially in early years of sobriety. I know my addiction is alive and well. Every negative thought, feeling or situation is a direct result of my addict ego!
I found that service was and still is a great solution to the times i feel sad, depressed, angry, bored, dissatisfied, less than, frustrated, etc etc…
And every time i do the 12 steps, i get more freedom from addict ego.
I’m here if you want to talk
Congrats on your 2 years! Your doing all the right things. We are always so hard on ourselves. I set goals for myself. Sometimes as simple as challenging myself to do something new every month. Learning to scuba dive. Or going to a movie alone. It's hard to know what's next, but AA and myself promises you it only gets better
Peg
Lea learn toChris, you are absolutely doing the right thing by getting and staying active in AA. It will save your life. Remember you never have to feel this way again if you stay sober!
Just have faith in God he will get you through
As they say, a crisis is an opportunity to learn, adapt, and grow. In active addiction, I had a whole lot of problems. In recovery, I have a new set of problems. How to adapt? It takes some time and effort. Connecting with people and striving for your goals are essential.
Also, for what you're doing now it's long-term so the feelings of accomplishment will come up from behind you. It'll take patience and persistence. Keep it going.
Getting out of the house helps me a lot. Going to a movie alone is a good suggestion from Peggy. I also take day trips to places I’ve never been that are within driving distance to. Taking a long walk with my dog. You’re doing great. I’ve only got one year but relate a lot to what you said.
Chris, one of the things I did to re-invigorate and really create a new life that I actually enjoy is. I went to 90 different AA/NA/CA meetings in 90 days. I found the meetings and people I really enjoyed and liked. The friends I made in sobriety were and are the best friends I’ve ever had. We hiked, learned to meditate, yoga, went to comedy shows, did H&I panels, pool parties, sailing, sound baths, bbq’s, sky diving, surfing and even tried hang gliding. Yeah I met some crazy f[]ckers but it was a great adventure.
We get out what we put in.
Being sober is about being able to handle the good and the bad. Hit some meetings and join some sober activities like softball or hiking. I even went to church today after not going for 20 years. It sucks having to deal with all those feelings and emotions from life. But it’s better to process them than to avoid them and get high or drunk. It never fixes them or takes care of anything. Plus, you have to realize all the good doesn’t just come over night, sometimes it takes a while for the good stuff to start happening.
Get unstuck some way. Volunteer, get involved with anything, things you enjoy, like bowling league or whatever you enjoy