At this point, there’s no point in using. Sure I would love to use just for I can feel something and to feel more like myself. For i can actually function like a human being. At this point, though I just want more of a permanent solution. I had my four days of where I barely slept, and I was feeling amazing. Now here I am in the depressive phase. It can last for a few weeks. The depressive phases are the hardest. I almost had the energy last night to do something permanent, but I didn’t. I have regretted each moment for not doing what I felt like doing. I called 988 and thankfully it helped a little bit. Now, here I am the next day still feeling the way I did yesterday. Today is only the fourth day of the depressive phase and I know it’s gonna get worse. The psychotic symptoms will start to be more apparent and obvious. I don’t know what I can do. I don’t want to be hospitalized because of this. I just wanna feel stable enough to continue what I need to do for myself. Any reassurance would help. If you read this far, thank you.
You are hardly worthless. You know you can go to the hospital if it gets too bad, so you're not helpless. Think of how helpFUL you can be to others after everything you've been through. Turn the page, baby!
Hey Rachel, thank you for being so real. I know it feels heavy right now, but the fact that you reached out and called 988 says a lot.
We’re all here to support you. Have you tried to find programs in your area that are recovery based, 12 step meetings, or even trying to get a sponsor that you can work closely with?
I’m definitely trying as well as just trying to keep my head above water. I just don’t wanna have to go to the hospital.
I appreciate it thank you. Thankfully, I am part of a of a program. And I have a Sponsar as well. But even when I do that stuff still seems like it’s not good enough.
Can I talk to you via DM?
Hi Rachel. I know you don't want to go to the hospital. Some of the best things for me I don't want to do. Please just do what you need to, not what you want to. Keep sharing and being honest 
Rachel, I experienced very similar symptoms in early sobriety. You are on the right path! Don’t give up! The great news is that you never have to go back if you choose to stay sober.
I’m here if you want to talk
Hey I am struggling with the same problem depression is debilitating at times you can’t let it take over if you need the hospital please go it’s only temporary and you can get the meds you might need to feel better and not sleeping doesn’t help at all your body needs rest so it can function well. Please get help
Please remember that you are never alone