Ok, so I have almost 4 years (again) and in that time I went back to school and became a CASAC. I absolutely love it and finally found where I fit in… I was fired Dec 19th. The reason isn’t really important, let’s just say bureaucratic bullshit. I was already spiraling from hormonal changes, accepting that kids are not in the cards for me, oh and my mother is dying. She still has enough energy to put me down whenever possible. I’m also seeing someone who is seeing someone else and I’m like a dirty little secret. It makes me insane!! I feel like disappearing for a while and then I get into really dark thoughts about life and suicide. I’m not going to do it- I lost a cousin that way. I’m so lonely and heartbroken. 
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It takes a lot of courage to share your struggles. I choose to think you’re sharing because you’ve had enough. It’s time to get into action and take your power back. You’re allowing others to take advantage of your weaknesses. Time to get some help. Build your sober team and get to work. You are worth it. You can do it
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Girl don't settle for being #2. That ish is for the birds. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate.
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Your relationship could be a big part of the worthless feelings. Non monogamous relationships can have that affect. Get back to being single and loving skeptical, if need be.
At the end of the day, only you know what is the right decision there, but please don't allow a situation, a temporary moment to cause you to make any permanent decisions
I feel you though. Been there.
For me I'm grateful to be single bc I still need work on the self love and sobriety aspects of life but it gets lonely and co dependency issues within myself don't help.
ODAAT, above dirt. We got this!
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