Dogsitting at a friend's house alone tonight. There's booze in the cupboard and I'm riding out the awful desire for it. Going to meditate and walk now. The "rent" is due every day with sobriety. I can't whine about it: it's ultimately free and freeing and slipping would just be a freefall once again. I know. I'm just weary of the struggle that tries erasing that positive belief from my mind tonight.
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Stay strong , it will pass
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Maybe plan for a hike tomorrow morning or something that you know drinking tonight would diminish or cancel all together. You got this.
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How did it go?
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I got through it. Slept pretty badly but I woke up relieved. Closest I've come to f****** up in 2 months. Thanks for checking buddy.
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Whine away, call another alcoholic and complain like there’s no tomorrow. Don’t suffer in silence. There are too many people out their to commiserate with!!!
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Thank you Christina. I'm working on that lovely "I don't want to be a burden or vulnerable" trait of mine. I even feel it in meetings for goodness sake.
Some nights you just gotta white knuckle it past the family cabinet, the liquor store, the bar you remember in your home town…. Hel|, this past spring when the weather broke here in Ohio my cravings hit at me HARD because I could smell “patio season.”
What a loser lifestyle, I tell myself. You’re right the rent is due…
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Patio season 
I remember struggling last Christmas when the carols mentioned cold weather. Welp, better fortify myself with some booze to stay warm! I live in L.A.
Those graceful moments when you can just laugh at the absurdity of the mental gymnastics.