Finding myself dwelling on my inadequacies

Mental Health
#1

Sorry guys, this is going to be a long one but I need somewhere to get this all out.

I’ve been trying to actively meditate on the things I’ve accomplished in the last 9 months since I stopped drinking. The last few days I have been coming up short.

I’m feeing frustrated with myself, for being 33 and seemingly so far behind financially from where other millennials are in their lives. I own nothing of value. No house, my car was $1,400. I actually am staying at my parent’s house right now because they wanted to help me stay sober for as long as they could.

I did pay off all my debt earlier this year but since then I haven’t stacked up that much money. I mean, it’s more than I’ve ever saved in my life, but my brain won’t let me see it as an accomplishment.

I just accepted a new job that is 1.75 times the salary I make now, and I start next week. I should be excited, but somehow my brain can’t accept that someone would want to pay me that much money to do what I’ve been doing for over a decade now. I’m an expert in my field that constantly feels like an imposter.

I’m not married, no kids, haven’t had a girlfriend since 2012. No idea how to date and obviously inadequate in that arena. Since I stopped drinking I started eating really healthily and working out, I’ve lost over 60lbs in 9 months. I look and feel better than ever. I should be ecstatic, but I’m not.

It’s all hitting me really hard the last couple of days. I’m even finding myself, after typing all of this out, just wanting to delete it right away and not bother. Who needs to read another pathetic alcoholic’s ramblings, right?

I can list out all the good things about myself over and over again but some days all I can see are the ways I fall short, all the time.

At least I got 278 days today.

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#3

Sounds too me you have a metric ton of awesome going on! No debt, a roof, a career, a vehicle.. and the most important one… you are sober!
Life on life’s terms man. I get the pessimistic view. Depending on how long you were down in the bottle it can be he!! To make that final push to the top. But you are there. Don’t waste your energy looking back, your not going that way.
You have fought and worked to get to this point. Be proud of your accomplishments, you have earned that…EARNED IT! It wasn’t given to you. Be the warrior you know you are.
Congratulations on the new position and the sober time.

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#4

Don’t waste too much energy on women and dating. The dating world can chew people up and spit them out. Just try to meet some women and have fun with it. You don’t need to reach anyones expectations. Be comfortable with being alone! It’s very hard at first but it gets easier. If you are happy and content with yourself, it will show and it will attract the right people. I read like 5 accomplishments you have and you should be proud. You are working on yourself and doing all of this for YOU! screw anyone else that thinks less.Be happy with yourself. It takes a lot of practice to change from negative to positive thinking. Say 3 positive affirmations about yourself in the mirror every morning and write them down too. Just like anything else you have do it over and over for it to stick so it becomes instinctual. The real goal is to be so happy with yourself that you don’t need anybody in your life. If you let someone in then it’s on your terms. If they leave it will be fine and it’s their loss. That’s the kind of mentality you need if you want to put yourself out there. I personally don’t take the dating thing too serious. Good things happen when I’m not even looking that hard. Try not to force anything because that’s when things take a dive. Be happy alone before trying to be happy with anyone else. Focus on your new job! Self improvement never stops. Keep going and remember you don’t need to please anyone else. Just yourself.

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#5

You need a hug bro! 9 months of sobriety is amazing! You crawled out from under a rock, and you’re putting your life back together. How long did you spend F’n up your life? I bet a lot more than 9 months my man. Give yourself a little break. Get back to being grateful for all that you are. Go to some beginners meetings and see people just walking in. Help another person who’s trying to get where you are. Life is not a race. Comparing and judging is a recipe for depression. I appreciate you being vulnerable and sharing this. It’s something many of us go thru.

2 Likes
#6

So basically you're saying you're sober and you have no debt and you're basically free to do anything you want?

Sounds pretty good to me. Sit back and enjoy it.

#7

Hey man, take a step back from the edge. It’s real hard, I know it, but you got all this. Also, I know it’s been said, but stop comparing yourself to others. On the job front, they hired you because they know you know your stuff and can handle the job. Companies don’t gamble when hiring, they go with the sure winner, and then support when you start.

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#8

Also, don’t forget you are human, we all have different things we are good at. You don’t have inadequacies, you are better a somethings than others.

#10

Thanks everyone. I hit a personal best this morning working out and got my head straight!

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#11

Sounds like you have achieved a lot! Don’t over think all of it! You are lucky to have your debt paid off, and a great new job in the future. Dating must be so hard these days, I can’t imagine doing that again. Too many fake ppl out there.

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#12

Some days are better than others. I was at a low point last night, definitely struggling. Today was better. I’m going to keep working out and working on my business. I’ll make it!

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#14

Bro, thanks for the post. Couldn’t haven’t said it better myself. Details of our circumstances are different but the feeling is very similar.

I just keep going to meetings, participating in service, meeting friends in AA, and praying/meditating.

I hate the phrase fake it until you make it. Somebody told me to change the phrase to believe it until it happens.

I take stock of where I am sober and where I was using and drinking. I’m in a much better place.

You’re worth it man. We all are. Addicts are resourceful survivors.

Thank you for making this post.

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#15

I love this group!!

#16

Yes, I am grateful for a positive form of social media.

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#17

Reframing reframing reframing. Reframe those thoughts when you notice any self-degradation. It’s been helping me a lot… at least on the mind side. I’m back to day one. Been struggling to keep on the path, but somehow the practice of reframing my inner dialogue is really helping me this time. I see where my behaviors are harmful, and I’m not shaming myself for once. I don’t think anyone will ever have it all perfectly wrapped up and together. Life is messy, and we pick up where we left off. Good for you with so much time. That is a HUGE feat! :sparkling_heart: giving me hope. :sparkling_heart:

#18

Get out of your self.you are doing above awesome.go to a program and meet lots of friends waiting for you.:dromedary_camel: