First day sober after relapse…

Struggling Help
#1

I relapsed hard and have been wasting money I don’t have, putting myself in dangerous situations and even reached out to a friend who just got a month sober and put him in a position by asking him to reach out to his old connects… since I can no longer reach out to my plug who sexually accosted my addict cousin who was staying with me over the weekend. I am totally out now and don’t have another supplier and am feeling the effects. I did go back and apologize to my sober friend once I pulled myself together today… that was a trifling thing for me to have done… and I apologized profusely.

Seeing how I’ve acted these last three weeks (after 5 months of sobriety!) and the desperation I’m in having now run out with no supplier… this cannot be me. I did without this mess for over 5 months and, yeah, sometimes it was hard af but I did it and my emotional and financial health improved greatly. I don’t want to be like this… I can not be like this… So I have thrown away all my paraphernalia and taken the next 5 days off of work to commit to my recovering. That should help with the early withdrawals and leave me to be able to sleep through a lot of it, I hope. Going to put some zoom NA meeting as appointments in my phone so I can roll out of bed and over to the couch for support. I can be better than this!

Only I’m still scared despite my own self cheering. Every one I call out to be here for me just in case I fall into despair or feel a harm to myself, well, they remind me they have their own sh*tto deal with and don’t have time for me. Why does everyone disappear as soon as you NEED that connectedness? It’s so cruel.

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#2

I would physically go to a meeting. I have found an abundance of love and support in the rooms of AA/NA. Get connected and give yourself a break. WE can do this :+1:

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#3

You need to commit every day to I’m not drinking, no matter what get to a meeting get a sponsor and start working a program. I have two brothers who are dead now as a result of this disease, this disease, a serious, and I’ve seen higher number of people go out one last time and not make it back

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#4

You got this! I was in your exact same spot 23 days ago! I relapsed after 3 months clean and I relapsed hard just like you did. I was able to get into an outpatient program and they helped me with suboxone which helped so much! Now I am 23 days clean and already feel so much better. I’ve learned that people suck and sometimes you can only count on yourself so this place is awesome to get the support you need. You’ve got this!! We are here for you :relaxed:

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#5

You're on the right path. You realized you need help and support and you've reached out for it. That's a hard thing to do. If you're are able, I also recommend getting to live meetings so you're in a safe place. For me, home wasn't always a safe place. But if you're too sick from withdrawals, zoom meetings are a good start. Just keep going and follow the suggestions that are given to you.

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#6

Don’t be too hard on yourself,your human. Go to meeting,get a sponsor,do service work,and stay in the community.Around people who are staying sober and working the program. No one can do this alone. It truly takes a village. Everyday remind yourself… I just need to make it to 12o’clock. No one’s recovery is perfect. This is your journey and you got this,I promise!

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#7

When I got sober I had to admit I was the one that disappeared a lot this isn't a joke you have to tell the truth to yourself man it says it in a lot of recovery systems tell him the truth and correcting bad behavior is part of sobriety I think you're going to be okay sister I really do I really really really do think you're going to be okay but you're going to have to start admitting things

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#8

Get connected with your higher power mine is Jesus Christ! Then go to a inperson meeting and ask for help ! Also you should sign up for outpatient services! Get a sponsor! But most importantly don’t pick up ! Stay sober one day at a time :pray:t4: I will be praying for you :pray:t4::pray:t4::pray:t4: God bless you and keep you strong

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#9

You def need a cheer section full of addicts in recovery. Non-recovering addicts and those without addictions won't understand where you're at no matter how hard they try. Build yourself a solid sober network and call on them whenever you need too. This is the hardest and most important time in your recovery right now. Just focus on today for now. Awesome that you're "cleaning house" and getting rid of everything. shed that life completely-make it harder to fall back into that shït.

Hang in there.

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#10

People get tired of doing the insanity over and over again with us. We are desperate after a horrible run but without 12 step work find ourselves without a solution to the obsession to drink again when it arises. It’s the only solution that worked for me. Other people cant keep us sober. We can’t keep them sober either. Sobriety comes from within. :wink:

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#11

I know I'm a broken record with this, but the best use of your days off would be a medical detox. Makes the withdrawals super manageable and sounds like you need to turn your phone off , but the one I did allowed you to keep your phone 🤷. I've detoxed many a different ways in the past and would not do it any other way. You come out with more strength and momentum to go into rehab or groups and maintain your sobriety. I wish you Strength and serenity. Good luck!

#12

Every moment clean is a miracle, and so are you. You can do this.

#13

There is so much help in Richmond! In fact my daughters there now detoxing. My best friend lives there and has been a huge help to me and my daughter. I’m six and a half years clean and my friend is 4 years. Believe me,if we can do it anyone can!

#14

Hang in there and go for a run, try stretching, yoga just keep moving. Good luck to you :pray: