From 2 years on I witnessed things no human should never have to endure. The fighting, illness, disease, mental illness, addiction, violence that culminated my adolescent life positioned me to take think I was tough.
It that toughness was one of my first warning signs that I was maladjusted, untrained, unequipped for real life.
Throughout high school there was plenty of fights, parties, street racing, motorcycle racing, you name an avenue for adrenaline it was there. Along by TVs with all the additional
traumas (mental and physical)that follow.
I wad able to obtain jobs in law enforcement for 5 years after high school, being tough, empathetic and caring this seemed like a good fit.
Unfortunately, when your a functioning substance misuser due to gross malpractice from various doctors after surgery from an injury at 16, you dont last long in that career.m, only exposing yourself too more unpleasantness of life.
I found sobriety at 23 , out of 11 years I have been in Recovery for 9/10.5 years.
This last time is one of my shortest so far, but I left my 6 figure salary and passive incomes and flashy life style. became a recovery coach and counselor while working in the field for entry level wages across 4 companies at the same time. I work with a sponsor who has a sponsor and a study the big boom constantly and repetitiously as it is my textbook for becoming the man I want to be.
Im sure someone had told me what my sponsor has this time and I just wasn’t willing to listen. Or maybe they he home-group I found, which has networks of home groups holding our sponsorship families lineage in every state and a-lot of counties is blessed to have majority of members that have multiple decades in Recovery with people who can trace their lineage back to Bill W and Doctor Bob.
All i know today is;
For the first time in my life, in recovery
I am unafraid of people, places and things in every sense of the word.
I am not rich, but I am not in fear that Ill be homeless, unemployed, unemployable or hungry again.
Running towards or shooting guns, fist fights and 150mph, none of that was being tough, all of that was fear displaying itself through ego! The fear that was all I har to offer the world , the fear that I wasnt smart enough for real jobs, the fear that I wasnt considered tough because I backed out of a fight I could of easily win.
Awhile Ago I called my sponsor concerned I would relapse. He asked why. I told him, “i dont feel right, nothing is wrong, i cant put my finger on it but i know something is”. He asked the normal questions, “do you want to use, are you thinking of using, are you unhappy, any stress?”
After I responded no to all. He simply said something along the lines, “thats serenity, feels weird huh”
I have held onto it since, I continue to read upon awakening every morning
Pray
Meditate
And am ALWAYS looking to be of service, even when I dont want to god will put service opportunities in my path, I show up
By doing these things my life is beyond ny wildest dreams, not perfect by any means but content
