For any of you who have significant clean time, when did your brain stop associating alcohol with fun? Or when did it break the association between alcohol and other activities or experiences (like going to a live music show, or going on a date)? Any time I see it, it gives me FOMO and I have a hard time imagining doing certain things without alcohol being a part of it. I know it wont be this way forever, but I'm just wondering how quickly to expect change. Was it a matter of retraining your brain and putting yourself in those situations repeatedly until it felt normal, or did you avoid those situations entirely until you had plenty of sober support and clean time?
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Hi KK, for me it was when I started making memories doing those things sober. I definitely took a huge step back from social situations for a while in early sobriety, but when I felt ready I made sure I had at least 1 sober person with me and went for it. I always had an out and an easy way home. What I found was that most of the things that I thought I could only do drunk were actually MORE enjoyable sober. I love seeing live music now, I love going dancing (minus pandemic times obvs). And there were some things that I learned to pivot. I don’t do first dates at bars anymore, it’s coffee or I won’t meet. As you slowly reintegrate yourself you will find your limits and what you are comfortable with. Always trust that inner feeling.
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I just realized you may be looking for a timeline, for me, I started resocializing around the 5 month mark.
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Took me getting connected through a long term rehab. Got plugged in there and jumped full force into meetings and recovery. Cut off all links to past using friends. Made new ones. Of course, I’d get clean for long periods of time and then think I could be well. Yet, this time around was pretty easy. My problem was running from my higher power. Pretty bull headed. He came calling and I said no thank you and ran. Only one way to block him out when he comes calling. Using. So, I’d fruck up, get locked up, then throw in the towel. Last time was it. So, each person experiences different times when things kind of click. You just have to keep plugging away at it till eventually you realize it’s a new life. Takes time. It’s a healer. Oh, and I never really associated using with fun. More like running.
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2 months I was able to have fun. 1.5 years for the obsession to leave. Fun for me doesn’t involve a thought of alcohol. I now have no desire to get high or get drunk.
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I just tried everything without alcohol and ended up having a good time regardless. Realized early on that I no longer needed it
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KK no one recovery is the same. I was unable to start life over so I was in the party scene for a long time until I move away from that group of friends. I’m 20 years sober and didn’t miss out on much! Everything changed when Jesus entered my heart 3 years into my sobriety. Now I don’t miss anything!!!! No FOMO EVER! Only through the power and love of the Holy Spirit within! Praying for your FOMO to be gone!
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Thanks for your input Jenn! I especially appreciate your suggestion of finding your limits and trusting your inner feelings, I think that does go a long way. I don't always do it, but I am always glad when I do.
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Thanks Bradford! Leaning on your sober network and spiritual practice seems to be the answer.
Wow that's great that you were able to have sober fun so early in your recovery!
Thank you so much! I'm happy you are doing so well!
I think if you surround yourself with sober people you can do anything and have a lot of fun doing it, right away!!
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Thankfully I do have have friends who will do sober activities with me and I'm so grateful for that! There are just things I used to do that I wonder when I'll be able to resume without feeling triggered to drink because those were situations in which I used to drink. It'll probably just take time. Thanks for the positive words!
Great freaking topic. I think about this a lot. So in my first year every experience was link to alcohol. New Years, the lake, Fourth of July, Golf, Football, thanksgiving, Christmas, concerts…….In my second year those bonds started to break because I had cycled through. My guess is my third year will be easier (idk). It’s like muscle memory. One thing I made/make sure of- I don’t push it. If I don’t feel super confident I pass, knowing that I’m just not ready. I don’t ever test my sobriety. Not worth the risk. I’ll be ready when I am.
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Once I was working the steps honestly and thoroughly, having conscious contact with my higher power and helping others the obsession was lifted and I could be part of the things I use to do while drinking. Specifically concerts and music.
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Yeah depends on how isolated vs social you were and your friends drinking habits. A lot of great advice in here. Around 6 months is a significant turn around in thinking for a lot of people I've talked to and myself included.
You can still hang out with old friends but to be honest I would spend most of your social time with your recovery people and making new sober friends. The sooner you do this the sooner it will start to be and feel like the new norm.
Also if you're just starting out then I do recommend modifying your environment, social and shopping habits. like I'd completely avoid stores and restaurants that sell alcohol so you can distance yourself and get used to being without it completely as you work the steps.
Once you have more sobriety, maybe take the 6mth mark then of course ease back into it because this is a very alcohol driven society and it's everywhere as you know. So you'll definitely have to deal with more exposure as you go.
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There was a significant decrease in fomo during 4th&5th step which was about 3 months in then about 8 months after my 9th step the thought is nonexistent, when it pops up it looks silly but I know how to use the tools, fortunately theres always opportunities in sobriety to get better make progress. I never stopped attending functions through any of my step work but I did have backup plans for when the parties got sideways, people in recovery knew what I was doing and would call me to say hi and check in. Really as long as I don't put it in my body I can go anywhere any free person would go. Memorize 3rd step prayer, sick mans prayer, serenity prayer, 7th step prayer, all very powerful tools for any party.
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I attend punk rock shows, reggae concerts, big fancy business dinners where booze is flowing heavily the desire goes and keeping connection with power becomes the most important thing in life it lets you be spontaneous happy and free the drunk life starts looking like a bog I gratefully dont want to step into.
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Thanks! I appreciate the suggestion not to push it if I'm not feeling confident. The first time I got sober, I pushed it all the time just to see if I could early on and even though it might have worked sometimes, it didn't always so lesson learned!
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Amazing!