In my early days of sobriety and even to today. I struggle with forgiveness.
My ex wife she did what she had to do. I wasn’t an allstar by any means.
Today It’s not perfect but who I was versus who I am are much different and it takes time to see it.
My parents “if you didn’t have the kids.” And I get it now as a parent. And doing my 4th step… I burned more bridges than the city of Pittsburgh. I used lied cheated and manipulated my way through my parents.
Today. I talk to them. They’re proud but they carry doubt. But in the end it hey have grandchildren to have hope for. But people change, I know through our programs. I’m here and not in the grave.
Myself I can’t forgive myself yet.
I’ve caused a lot of pain. I’ve done some horrible and heinous things to those I loved and to my fellows.
I have some sleepless nights and I hear the screams that keep me up at night.
I have many days where I contemplate giving up and going walking away from it all.
I don’t deserve a second chance or sobriety. I should be in a body bag not on this earth.
Then again. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
And then again. “Arthur if you struggle with forgiving yourself. Then you’re playing God. If you quit playing God then you’ll find peace.”
So.. forgive not just them but yourself as well. By the Grace of God there go I.
Cheers.