Hey everyone, first post. I have a friend who is clearly struggling with addiction but none of us know how to help her. I keep saying it’s gonna take rock bottom but I just hate this! Any suggestions? Don’t want to push her away.
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All you can do is tell her how much better you feel and what you did to change. The willingness is on her, you can’t force it. Prepare yourself and be ready to help once she has hit her bottom.
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Ty is right. The whole you can lead someone to the table but they need to sit analogy. All you can do is reaffirm how much you care, and show her that you are willing to help if she asks. The hard part is you also need to be prepared to walk away from her if needed for your own sobriety. I have had to do that and it sucks. We all have our own path, I hope she finds hers.
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The other thing to remember. I see on your profile you are 22 days sober. As much as you want to help, you may need to circle back to her. Here is what I mean.
In addiction we are drowning. You just got out of the water. A drowning man is no help to another drowning man, and it is the same if only one of them just learned to swim. Get so.e ti.e swimming and get stronger. Then go back and take the tools needed to save them. You will have a boat later on, for now you only jave a life jacket.
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Set the example. Focus on your. program. That is 12th step work at the nuts and bolts. Attraction rather than promotion. You can’t give away what you don’t have.
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Hi Leila, yes. You can’t make another person want sobriety, it’s something that either they will eventually come to, or unfortunately, some don’t ever get to that point. With you being so early in recovery, I would focus on yourself and who you surround yourself with. If someone is active in addiction and you have a moment of vulnerability and you’re with them, it might bring you more harm than good. Even if you “push her away” by creating some safe distance and boundaries, somewhere inside her knows that you are doing what is best for you. The best way you can help others is to share your story and be an image of what recovery looks like and show how it is working for you. You’ll help many by doing that. 22 days is something many can’t accomplish, so stay the course and be a light for others still in the dark.
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Set boundaries with them and explain your limits and how it affects you.you could offer them a list of resources or even offer to go with them. remember it's their choice and after seeing others choosing sobriety (by the non judgmentalexample you can set)when they are ready they will reach out.
I speak from experience when I say that no matter how bad you may want for your friend to get sober, they won’t get sober until they want it just as bad as you do. People speak of Rock Bottom like it’s a prerequisite to sobriety. In most cases, it is.
It took years of family telling me I had a problem and friends distancing themselves/ending the friendship to make me realize I was in a destructive cycle. Family struggled to watch and friends refused to take part in it.
Most important is your own sobriety and to be a friend who supports. Your concern for your friend is the same concern I share for family. If your friend does decide they want sobriety at some point, remember that you aren’t responsible for their sobriety nor can you save them from the difficulties that come with overcoming their past and learning to live sober. A Higher Power is almost certainly necessary.
You’re a good friend.
This is tough, I feel for you. Of course you want to save her all the trouble. Are there people important to her that are literally on their last leg with her addiction antics? A well orchestrated intervention would be a good place to start.
Hi Leila. The severity of addiction should be considered. If DT’s from alcohol or withdrawals from drugs, I would recommend an intervention with a room in a rehab facility reserved. If it is not that severe then I concur with the masses, she/he most likely will need to hit rock bottom and want it for themselves or god forbid, ordered by the courts. Bless you for caring and showing support.
Dose she have a place to live? Is she working? And who know of her addiction and what is she addicted too?
Well from my experience you don’t want to hit rock bottom if you can avoid it. It is very difficult to get out of rock bottom especially with an addiction. It can go right or terribly wrong to were the person just gives up and the addiction completely becomes there everything.
You need to convince her to get help and she needs to see that she has a problem. I can tell you I’ve done just about every drug out except opioids. I know of people that do. And there is nothing good coming out it not one good thing.
My best advice is bring her to the local hospital emergency room? That's the best start to get clean. Does she have health insurance?
Can’t make anyone get sober. The addict/alcoholic needs to want sobriety and unfortunately some people have to lose a lot and have unfortunate consequences before they are willing to get help. It’s important to have boundaries with a friend who is an active alcoholic/addict. There are resources available and almost every city in the U.S. has an AA group/fellowship of members who are willing to help another suffering alcoholic.
There’s also NA groups if the issue is drugs rather than alcohol. But a drug is a drug is a drug. Same concepts in both fellowships.
Message to say hello each day and say you are merely checking up. Then say you need to go to a meeting. You don’t have time to Bs. Don’t entertained any questions except recovery questions. Keep it short and tell them you love them. Then get off the chat.