Were any of you able to keep your same friends? All of my friends drink, now they don’t drink like me, but most all the time there are drinks involved. Drinks with dinner, drinks at a bbq, drinks while camping, drinks while watching sports, drinks & a sauna. Ya know. I just hate the thought of losing all of these people that I’ve known for years. I’m hoping that after taking 30 days (If I make it that long) without being around it I will be able to ease myself back in and not have it be impossible.
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No not really. Just one or two. But I found after a period of sobriety that I really didn’t have anything in common with them. My sobriety had to come first. Before everything and everyone.
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I lost a few. The first 6-8 months was a bit tough. I had to fix myself first. I kept in contact but limited my hanging out. Made sure the people who needed to know that I was sober did. And after a while I started easing back into hanging out. Now they all know, are supportive, and understand. Those that matter don’t mind and those that mind don’t matter. There have been a few times I have had to just walk away, or ghost on the night but not very often. I still see and talk to almost everyone I am close to now that I have my sobriety under control… AND I get to remember the activities the next day. It can be done!
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Give yourself time. I know it sounds like a lot of time to be away from friends for a few months, but those who are real friends do stick by your side. Tell them you need them to not bring alcohol for at least right now if they want to hang out with you. If they don’t respect it or they start grilling you, it’s a sign they’ve got a complicated relationship with alcohol and might not be the healthiest person for you to spend your time with. It’s lonely at first but you will get through it and your perspective will change. You will keep all your true friends!
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Short answer in no not all of them.
I found that after I got past a certain point, it didn’t bother me to be around alcohol in social situations. I just always make sure I have a NA drink of choice on hand. As long as my friends are supportive (which most have been), then there’s no problem. Then again, the worst of my drinking was done alone in isolation, so maybe social situations are just less of a trigger for me. I’ve honestly had a harder time making new friends than keeping old ones since getting sober.
I lost all my “friends” since I quit drinking. I haven’t made a single friend since. I have no one in my life now. I’m completely alone. I hang out with my parents, but sometimes it definitely feels like it’s forced. People don’t like me, and I don’t care. Learn to be alone.
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I’m worried about this too
I found that I had to find new friends. The fellowship of AA is where my people are. I no longer hangout with people who drink. It’s simply too hard for still. Maybe one day I’ll be able too again but for now it’s only sober people I surround myself with. Your friends if they truly are your friends will understand. If they don’t let them go for sure.
“Bad company corrupts good character!” I let all of the friends that did not understand me go. There comes a time where it’s just not worth it.
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Everyone’s different. It takes time to feel comfortable around it again. I’m about 10 months sober and finally had the guts to be around it and watched a baseball game at a sports bar last night. It was hard though, I def thought about having one but chose to continue on my path. It was a lot easier to be around then it was about 4-5 months ago.
I didn’t lose a friend I didn’t want to. Friends is a two way street. Maybe you’ll notice who you ONLY drank with and be less motivated to see them or something like that. For the most part your great friends Will appreciate what you’re doing, and it’ll all come together symbiotically the way it best suits you.
After I got sober some of my friends actually followed me into the halls. After about a year they saw that I wasn't coming back. All the rest fell away on their own. They didn't want to be around someone who is getting their s*** together. I would just let it be go in the direction of sobriety and God and whoever hangs around are your real friends. I ventured a guess most of them will not. But that's okay. You'll make new friends in the fellowship. Just keep going in the direction you're going. No apologies
The "friends" I made in college the second time around said they liked me drunk...
After I moved out of state, I stopped being friends with them. They were enablers, not friends.
No not at all… that’s still the hardest part
We all outgrow friends as we get older, sober or not. My circle is small and I prefer it that way. Bunch of us in the program get together a few times a week and do things.
So far no. But I don't do some of the same things I did. As well as new things and meeting like people. I just think for me,although life changing. It was,has been Fabulous.
I stayed away for a long while from friends I had since I was a teen, mainly because the temptation was too great to have a few. I had legit fun with these guys and they didn’t understand what I was dealing with, and they don’t have too. It was my job to steer clear. We did keep in contact and after a long while I was able to go to hangouts like bbq’s, fishing, all that stuff. BUT I only do it every once in a while and I leave kinda early if need to.
Something interesting that I once read was that it’s common for people in their 30s to have a big shift and friends. I could be wrong on that age but it might be something to read of interest to you that you might be having in common even besides those friends that you use to not get sober with for bonding over it.
The other thing I want to share with you is my approach to the family that I use to drink with to get black out drunk and become someone I am not. I decided to not make it anybody’s business about me choosing to be sober and my newfound views on how much I dislike drinking culture and its acceptance. I decided to not share with people that I have a problem or anything of that sort. I’m going to let my actions speak for themselves and I’m not changing, I’m just staying sober and being myself 100% of the time.
When anybody asks if I wanna drink my response is always the same “ I don’t feel like drinking today.” Nobody needs any more information than that and it’s none of their business. This is my space for support and with my wife.
It took me a while to attend all of the activities that I used to. Mainly going to bars. But as my sobriety time has grown my friends have also matured. The super late nights where people are getting truly drunk have become less common. For me, simple things like getting a club soda and lime help. Maybe some placebo effect but also just having the same drink glass in hand helps not feeling like you stand out. You will also soon realize the benefits of not drinking. You can drive home, you can give your friends rides home so they don’t drive drunk. Being comfortable with being sober takes time, no denying that. Additionally your true friends won’t treat you any differently for being sober - hold onto those people in your life