I made a new friend June 30, 2023. We met through a mutual friend. Anyway, the new friend text me last week that I am her best friend, and that I'm an answered prayer.
I'm grateful for the people that express gratitude. Now, I got big shoes to fill.
Share below which qualities you look for in a BFF.
I like someone that I can confide in. On the other hand,
I like to be confided in. I also look for someone who is genuine.
I don't care for fake or someone always seeking outside validation.
Sensible footwear.
I like the list. I do, however, don't mind being friends with those who need constant validation. I guess because I am one of them. And I guess I need to understand what's constant?
I grew up in a household where nearly every mistake I made was the end of the world. My dad tried to smash my head throw a window because I didn't hear the doorbell. On another occasion, my aunt took me to the doctor because my mom couldn't get off work. When my aunt dropped me off, I rang the doorbell. My dad opened the door and told me, his 10 year old daughter should have just waited outside until my mom got home. On several occasions my dad made me feel that my well-being was less than his comfort. He denied me food because I left a light on while I was at school. So, I often seek validation because the man who should have loved me- didn't. And if my own dad didn't love me, am I worth anything at all?
Sorry for getting too deep- but this is why I have no issue with befriending people like this because I am one of them.
My entire life was lived by outside validation. This is what made me tick. So much so that people pleasing became big in my life. I completely understand why you seek or sought outside or external validation. Unlike you, I grew up in an extremely Loving environment, so I can't even imagine what you must have went through and still are going through. My motivation for external validation was because of my lack of confidence and low self-esteem. However, while I was in rehab, I learned how to Love myself. So, for me, I now seek internal validation. In other words, facing my fears and being uncomfortable to get comfortable, whether I am successful at the challenge or not, it's the knowing that I tried, is what is rewarding for me.
That being said, when I think of someone that is constantly seeking external validation, I assume it is because they don't Love themselves. However, I think about this differently now that you told me your story. Thank you, Amanda. And I'm really sorry for what you went through.