The mother of my kids is a very toxic addict/alcoholic, and by some witchcraft somehow knows when I am really trying to get serious about getting alcohol out of my life. Everytime I ever get any resolve to do whatever it takes to be sober for good, I swear demons whisper in her ear and make everytjing as hellish as possible and wont quit. She harrass on texts and calls, stalk me driving, manipulate kids and everyone we know with pure lies. Mind you this is not a “scorned” lover thing, she is the one who gave up on the marriage, I would have never left without being forced out. With all that garbage vomitted out, it always gets me so angry and hopeless that I always drink just to stop the endless voices of how evil she is to me without having done anything to her other than refusing to fight with her.
My head is so overwhelmingly loud, angry and depressed all at once, and I cant take it.
Logically I hate what alcohol does in my life and is the only reason I am even shackled to this demonic women. But emotionally I struggle to care if I drink myself to death.
Thats my life right here and now
Hi David. Thank you for sharing. That is a lot and so difficult to deal with. I am sorry you’re going through that.
Do you have a meeting you attend? Or a therapist you talk to?
That is part of the situation I am working on with recent custody agreements being worked out…but I told myself “before you do anything, go to this Wednesday night church service you have been putting off for too long”. So I did that and got to pray and cry and sing, and am going to bed sober and even found a potential small men’s Bible study with guys older and wiser this coming Monday. So even with everything I can surely say today was still a success for my personal goals
Sounds like she is threatened by your sobriety and wants to keep you in addiction 1. So she's not alone in it and 2. So She can use it against you. My hard advise is to cut ties with her and unfortunately your kids for the time being so you can get some real sobriety under your belt then fight for custody. You will continue in this vicious cycle unless you throw yourself out of the mix. Mail her child support money, depending on the age of your children, find a way to communicate with them without her. Ignore her calls, she can text it leave a message. If your kids are old enough, it's important that you let them know of your sobriety intentions. Sometimes You have to do drastic things for real changes. Ghost her until the hate she spews no longer feels personal. Eventually you might have some empathy for her. Most of the hateful things we say to others while we are drunk or high are really what we are saying to ourselves. She's deflecting her feelings about herself onto you.
David, feel your pain bro! I had to make MY SOBRIETY my number one priority in life. Over finance, romance and even family.
See, you must save yourself 1st to save your kids. When you’re absolutely sober physically, mentally and emotionally then you can actually build a great life, regardless of ur psycho X or whatever circumstances. Without absolute sobriety we can’t build sheeiittt!
I’m here if you want to talk.
Well, see here’s the thing my three kids live with me during my days off from work and I am under court orders to not cut off communication with their mother… As of right now just figuring out when and where I can actually even get to an AA meeting is a very big hurdle that I can and will figure out… All that said to say she knows that I legally cannot communication with her so she’s trying to make me crazy because she’s seen documentation that I use with the breath wiser and an app that I’m staying sober and I know that she’s just trying to destroy me. My sobriety does need to be number one but it’s actually not that simple because Raising my kids is my number one responsibility and then going to work and then staying sober in between work… It would be so nice if I could just getting and staying sober be number one but that’s just simply not an adult reality I have the option or luxury to choose
Thank you though I do appreciate your thoughts and need to figure out exactly how I can do exactly what you are saying both legally and morally
That sounds like an incredibly heavy burden to carry. It’s clear you’re feeling trapped and overwhelmed, but it’s also clear you’re self-aware about the impact alcohol has on your life. Reaching out like this is a big step, and it shows you’re fighting for a better future. We are here for you
Check out the ABCs from Smart Recovery. You can google it, use the app. I think it could really help you! 1 day at a time.
Yep I am trying harder than ever before, and just got my first week alcohol free in a very long time. It is so so hard to deal with this never ending nightmare and it keeps getting worse with the things she is doing to my kids and completely getting away with it
I will try that out thanks, any suggestions are welcome here I am desperate to get through this emotional torture alcohol free but have been on the edge many times this week
As a dad of three I understand your priorities. But sobriety still has to come first. Because without it you’re not going to be able to raise your kids properly or keep a job.
Without sobriety, nothing else comes together. For an alcoholic.
I would suggest you take your to a rehab or detox center, they will support you help while you focus on getting sober and healthy for yourself and kids.
I have to fill myself with grace pretty frequently to deal with people. Mary is a go-to for that and She will kiss you under each eye to let you know it. (at least the first visit. She's a friend)
Please expand on that
I really wish I could put recovery as first, though I am staying sober still, the court has their own idea of what my priorities are which is work, kids, and then anything else
Luckily I was able to successfully detox myself at home 8 days ago, I just am gonna have to do AA meetings when I have the freedom to and then zoom meetings when I am with my kids
Gotcha
Not to shoot down a very appreciated suggestion…I posted this as venting because I was about to completely loose it in the middle of the situation last week. Have things gotten better? Not really but I am staying sober and just doing an abundance of documentation with the court. I did make a very awesome connection at AA with someone with the same unique belief pattern spiritually, that has been very helpful. I just got to keep remembering to explore “what is the next right thing” basically hour by hour, since planning anything never is allowed with being the only reliable parent of 3