Gee let me think
I woke up
Not much family support
Haven’t seen daughter in six months
My health since Covid is in the toilet
I do nothing for fun
Yes I guess waking up. Sometimes I wish that wouldn’t happen
30 months struggling. Bad very bad
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Hey there. Glad you showed up today! What part of the world are you in? Can you go outside and be in nature at all? If not, can you look at the window for 5 minutes?
Look at the clouds. The trees.
How many little elements/atoms are put together to make up these items we see?
The # is beyond belief. So giving thanks for one tree, gives you almost infinite things. Catch my drift?
It’s okay to feel bad sometimes.
But the knowing that it gets better, that you are divinely support through it all, will surely help.
I know I wasn’t very positive I have been basically crying since December I am slowly losing interest in everything. My daughter at my 30 month mark decided to let me know how bad I messed her up and I just have apologized profusely and I am tired of not getting a little more support. I know I messed up I live with that day and night. Regret is an understatement. I can’t fix it and I am tired of overcompensating at this point. I have wonderful friends in recovery but it’s not my family. Yes I have looked at at my beautiful yard and the birds everything through tears. I don’t know how much more I have in me. My heart actually hurts. Sorry for rambling. Just tired of being like this.
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I know this is very painful. In your own words, you have apologized profusely. You are living a sober life. You are correct in saying you can’t fix it. Nobody can fix the past…it’s done. We can only choose to learn from it and move on…or not. Unfortunately, your daughter chooses to allow it to control her. My oldest is still dealing with past issues. As parents, we certainly had an influence on them…both bad and good. I’ve stopped fighting/struggling with my child over the past. I just detach myself from the details, and listen in a supportive way to whatever they have to say. I acknowledge their feelings, and don’t defend myself or counter any of their feelings. I’m not always perfect at this, and I do sometimes want to smack some sense into their head (lol), but I try not to engage in cross talk. Hopefully your daughter will feel “heard”, and feel less inclined to keep bashing it down your throat. Once it’s acknowledged, they really have to begin to work on letting it go and moving forward in their lives.there is very little you can do at this point. I hope you can find a way to make peace with yourself. That’s really the only thing you can control. Make a choice to let it go every morning, just as you do with your drinking. You’re a nice woman. You have been thru a lot. Your journey to where you are today hasn’t been easy. Give yourself some credit. Give yourself some love. Let go of things you have no control of…or at least try to a little bit ODAAT
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Thank you. These words mean a lot. I am mentally and physically exhausted and this is affecting my health. I had my early recovery meeting today and of course cried there but they suggested to not reach out and try to let it be. It’s hard being she is the only one. Easter was awful just like Christmas and again saw pictures of her with her husband’s family, there went my heart a little more. If I didn’t drink through all this (even though my mind went there a few times) it’s a miracle and I need to thank all my supporters.
I just need to get back into meetings and try to let go for now. Thank you, my friend. 
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