Giving up a social life for sobriety

Help! I feel like the only way to maintain a sober lifestyle is to completely avoid socializing with my current friends. I know they would support my decision, but I am not ready to be open with them about my struggles. Also I worry I would be tempted to drink if I am with them. I hate to admit it, but I have used alcohol as a social crutch for a while and recognize it’s a problem. Any advice on how to maintain a social life during sobriety?

4 Likes

After awhile you can do it but again it's one day at a time.

2 Likes

I’m actually doing this too right now! I’m here for the comments to see how to also deal with this. You can always message me as well & maybe we can brainstorm some stuff out lol

1 Like

I’m going through the same thing. It’s over five years and I still have challenge is going to bars

So I just avoid him and hang out with sober people.

1 Like

them*

I gave up my friends to get sober. If they are true friends, they will do sober things with you. It sucks and you will mourn some, but if you truley have a problem they will understand..

2 Likes

i hope i don’t offend, but i would like to suggest a little bit different idea. if you want to go out, how would you feel if you were doing something that was really meaningful to you while you were there?

for example, i have given up pretty much all of my social life as well, except i go bars and concert venues all the time when i perform or when i need to meet people that are in line with my objectives.

i know it’s kind of a special case being an entertainer in night life because that’s where our work happens, but perhaps there is another kind of socializing you could try out where you are an active participant instead of just another part of a group?

just food for thought, but i’ve found that whenever i am in alignment with my true purpose, temptation is irrelevant. so i go out 3-4 times a week now and those are the times i am least concerned about alcohol.
i hope this helps you in your journey. you are making great steps and you CAN win against this!

ps - less humidity would be lovely :joy::v:

2 Likes

I’m working on finding a group of sober people to do fun stuff with until I’m confident in my sobriety

1 Like

If it is triggers from the environment or the activities taking a break from those is part of the hard sacrifice of getting sober. It isn't easy but it gets easier. If you can interact with them in social environments without the triggers then I think you shift the way the friendship functions to preserve it.

Also, I would tell you that true friends support decisions that are good for YOU and I would feel confident in that. Maybe try it with someone you feel a deeper connection or closeness with and see how it goes? Talking about addiction is such a relief when you finally start to do it and you would be surprised at the support you can find.

2 Likes

I've been struggling with the same problem. I can go without drinking, but I do so by isolating. It's hard to find social activities that aren't centered on drinking. Then when I burn out on isolation my drinking gradually gets back to where I lose control. I wish the best of luck with it.

1 Like

As you gain some momentum in your program of sobriety 2 things will happen. First, being honest about drinking will become comfortable. Second, you’ll have sober friends.

2 Likes

Kate! May I suggest that a rigorous program of honesty, working the 12 steps of AA, getting a sponsor and reading the big book. It’s when we do this program to the best of our ability the obsession to drink is removed. I’m 629 days clean and sober today. I don’t have any urges to drink or use. I also chose not to go to bars or places that I may be tempted to drink. I’ve changed my friends and working on my mindset. The people I want to be around now are ones who I can look up to, teach me how to live a better more meaningful life and are sober. When we become willing to have rigorous honest with everyone, this includes ourselves, we can then stop drinking and take the necessary steps in the program of AA.

We have a thinking problem. We are selfish, self centered, egotistical and feared creatures. I mean that in a living way. When we stop worrying about what others think of us and what we think of ourselves we can begin to change of minds about what our lives should be like.
Let your friends know where you are in life. Heck the worse thing that can happen is they don’t want to be your friend. You can make new friends that care about your sobriety and emotions. Or they tell you how much they struggle with their addiction/emotions. See what I’m doing here play with my thinking. Trying to figure out what they would say instead of just asking… save so much time and effort on our part to just be open and honest. You got this. Enjoy your sobriety as it’s fun when we can really let go of trying to control our lives. Let a higher power of your understanding guide you through life.
You’ll be amazed before you know it…

1 Like

If all of your friends are drinking.be carful.they could get angry.be carful what you say to them.stay a way from them for a year

I feel the same way... for now I have avoided them because I don't feel in a strong enough place to be around alcohol. I also think it's best to try to find new sober friends so working on that as well...

1 Like

I’m going through this as well. I’m only 11 days sober, but it’s already occurred to me that some people in my life have to go, at least for now. I’m trying to get back into some of the things that interested me before drinking became a priority. Looking for social groups that enjoy the same things. We’ll see how it goes.

1 Like

Your current friends played a part, either directly or indirectly, in your alcoholism. In order to give yourself the best fighting chance, you need to change your people places and things. Why surround yourself with people that enjoy going to the bars when you clearly can’t? Meet other sober people…

1 Like

You are what you surround yourself with…surround yourself with like minded individuals :call_me_hand:

OK here's my 2 cents based off my experience in the beginning it was tough didn't hang out with any of my friends it's like you're calling them out when you tell them you have a drinking problem because they're right there drinking with you after a while I realized I didn't have anything in common with them besides drinking and the ones I did I still talk to just don't hang out with them very often see them at weddings and stuff and they're proud of me! I used to drink a lot and they still can't believe that I have 6+years sober! I live in Wisconsin kinda a big drinking state... the hard thing is dating sober!

Also I'm OK being around alcohol no urges just can't stand being around drunk people reminds me how thankful I am I quit!

1 Like