Going back to my traumatic respond behavior

Mental Health
#1

Sorry if it's hard to read/understand as I am not a native english speaker, but I need help. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am falling back to my behaviors. There's a reason I started drinking at 11, use at 18. For some years it was ok, I worked about me, my personality, my problems, and it was fine. I aslo completely stopped drinking and use for a really long time. It was'nt even that hard.

Then I lost it a couple weeks ago. It lead me to drink again, not a lot, but still. But then, this weekend, I must have approach something I hide, flee for a long long long time, I don't even remember. But I know it cause I start to feel and have the same patterns I had as a kind and young adult that took me down that trail which I qualify as a mental h3ll.

I don't have acces to many resources, I am not an open person about talking really of me. I only surface talk. I write a lot, publish, but nobody knows me, and I know it is alone a real issue (I worked, and still work on this to break the hide in fantasy and stories behind personages and characters.) I wonder if maybe it is the main problem: the fact I am trying to break my main pattern and build relashionships, good and true relations, (because for the first time of my life, 4 months ago, I really tried to approach a women I love (it's been 16 years I just look from a distance, and write love stories), and I did it, we have a close friendship and I open a lot.

My whole personality is built to escape, is that why I am feeling this? Because I fight my escape? I really don't want to start doing drugs and drink endlessly again.

Maybe someone have an advice that would be kind of savior, or books, references, documents, anything that could help me. If I understand, it will help me, and I don't trust myself at the moment to do introspection and auto-comprehension of myself as if I do it wrong it may f4ck me up real good.

Thanks

2 Likes
#2

Forgive yourself, the situations, the people who hurt you. Ask Jesus christ to be you lord and savior, attend church, replace bad habit with healthy routine. Find a counselor. Attend AA meetings. You can recover. Give yourself grace. Don't beat yourself up over it. Idk you but you've made it this far. Don't give up.

1 Like
#3

I am already a believer and respect God and creation, values and Love. I don't like to go to church because I don't need to feel closer to God as I always had let him into my hearth . As for meetings in group I tried, I just can't talk about my problems and it seemed to start upseting others, which I understand why. A counselor is a great idea tho, thank you a lot. About the forgive, it is also a really good advice to me. Thank you again

#4

Here’s a video that might help you https://youtu.be/-s3XWqpv2tQ?si=iEL47xOu5y5yzYDt

1 Like
#5

Thank you, I go check now

#6

It sounds like you’re dealing with trauma that’s bigger than willpower. A trauma-informed therapist or someone who specializes in addiction + attachment could help you understand why connection is triggering escape right now. There's a book called 'In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Maté (about trauma as the root of addiction)' also if you click on the BETTERHELP section of the Loosid you'll find expert support. Thank you for sharing with us