Going on 9 months sober now. Part of my job requires

Recovery
#1

Going on 9 months sober now.

Part of my job requires that I sell alcohol. This requires me to deal with people who are drunk. I try and have empathy and patience with drunk customers, most of which I do and they do not cause a problem, but when I do have to interact with those that are like how I used to act when drunk - belligerent, out of their mind, confrontational, total jerks, etc... I get upset and disgusted and am less helpful and empathetic with them and that reflects through my interactions with them.
Afterwards I'll feel hypocritical for feeling this way because I know how I was when I drank and I know as truth that Im just one drink away from being that way again.
So my question to everyone is am I hypocrite for feeling this way towards belligerent drunks I occasionally interact with and, aside from a new job, what's the best way to maybe deal with this when it happens?
All feedback, advice, opinions welcome. Honesty is encouraged.

1 Like
#2

First off, congratulations on your 9 months, Felix. Thatā€™s great! Iā€™ve been a bartender on & off for roughly 20 years so I feel your pain. Iā€™ve learned to look at these situations a few different ways. For starters, I always kind of see these incidents as cautionary tales/reminders - every now and again Iā€™ll romanticize my past relationship w alcohol - Iā€™ll remember the times that I drank less irresponsibly instead of the majority of times which I overdid it - so these folks coming in to my bar are my ā€œthere but for the grace of God go Iā€ moments.

#3

Secondly. I try & turn on my empathy a bit. I attempt to not just see the annoying nature of the person in front of me. Instead Iā€™ll try & remember what I was feeling like when I was consistently drinking myself gone. Clearly this person has something going on in their life that is making them feel a certain way and theyā€™re trying to avoid it. Sometimes it can take me a moment to get to this place but I always make it there. Iā€™m not fooled booze fueled bravado & cocktail confidence. I can see/feel the pain. Anything that their behavior triggers in me is a great place to meditate on the next time Iā€™m doing some soul searching.

#4

Thirdly - weā€™re all hypocrites to a degree. Itā€™s hard work not to be. I think itā€™s important you see that. Thatā€™s good news. I think the work is in dulling our edge as we move forward. If we can soften our responses or take a beat before reacting I think weā€™re on the right track. It took me years in the restaurant industry to realize that the customer w the crummy attitude towards me generally was feeling slighted somewhere else in their life & was trying to use me as a punching bag to appease their bruised ego. For a while Iā€™d ā€œstand my groundā€ & blah, blah, blah but after years of dealing w it I honestly pivoted to pity. I pitied them. And Iā€™m not a bully. I donā€™t thump people I pity.

#5

Sorry about the essayšŸ˜‚
Congratulations & good luck, brother