Good morning,
My names Christopher and I’m an addict and alcoholic
In recovery, I was asked by my first sponsor, do you know who you are? Do you know what you want out of your life? Are you tired of feeling lonely, tired, and alone? Are you truly tired of this disease controlling every aspect of your life and feeling as if there is no other way to live?
You have to be able to answer all of these questions truthfully and be completely honest with your innermost self and admit that you are an addict and an alcoholic. I was not ready at first. I was skeptical. He told me that when I could finally do this, a weight would begin to lift.
It took time for me to answer those questions, but when I finally did, he was right. We began doing the work, working the Twelve Steps and learning how my thinking had gotten me there. I was an angry, lonely kid even though I was grown. I pushed away anyone who got close to me because of the pain I carried from never feeling wanted. I was using to mask feelings I did not want to face or embrace.
I wanted to quit for years but did not know how. Who knew that almost dying from my afflictions and addictions would become my wake up call? Who knew I would become sober and be given a few more years with my mom, able to give her the gift of seeing the man she raised? Who knew I would become a father who would go to the ends of the earth for his children? Who knew I would become a compassionate and understanding partner and fall in love with the most beautiful, loving, and amazing woman, a woman I love more than she knows in this life?
Who knew I would become everything my children and my partner needed me to be?
The answer is my Higher Power and all the men and women I have met in recovery.
Today I have been sober for 15 years, 11 months, and 13 days. No, I am not perfect. Yes, I have to work every day to be better. But as it says in the Big Book, “No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints.”
What we are is people learning how to live, how to forgive, how to love, and how to show grace not only to others but to ourselves. Recovery has taught me understanding where there once was anger, compassion where there once was pain, and connection where there once was loneliness.
Today I try to live with love in my heart, grace in my actions, and understanding for those still struggling, because someone once showed those same things to me when I needed them most. And for that, I am forever grateful.
Much love to you all and my you find peace love and happiness and remember to live life love hard and always laugh
Christopher W