Today I have Soo many things to accomplish and complete by the end of the day, it's a little stressful. But I know that I brought some of this upon myself due to procrastinating and not fully prioritizing my time effectively. Regardless of all of the other noise and excuses, some of which to me are actually pretty valid...for example lack of sleep and stress related health problems that are aggravated by stress and lack of sleep. But at the end of the day, the bottom line is it all has to be done.... So hopefully from here forward I practice better time management and prioritizing in order for this not to continue to happen.
I'm very grateful in my life today that I'm busy. It used to cause me great anxieties and annoy the he** out of me that I had to do all of these responsible things, when all I wanted to do was whatever I wanted to do. Usually it would be being high, getting money to get high, and then be selfish and have fun all day, Or what seemed like fun at the time.
I'm very grateful that I'm alive today and survived the crazy lifestyle I was living the last decade plus. I just turned 50 years old last month and it's not 'cute' anymore, or fun for me to be mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually soo spent as I was becoming having been living that lifestyle for soo long. I'm still shocked some days that I made it through, but I am soo grateful that I did. Because during those years I not only didn't care if I lived through it, but mostly hoped that I didn't. I knew it would eventually kill me in one way or another and I was more than o.k. with this fact.
Today I'm happy that it didn't, as it did many people that I cared a lot about during those very rough years.
Today I may be a little stressed or pressed for time, but I'm not dope sick, I'm not needing to hide out because I owe someone money again, and I'm not hungry or thirsty or tired.. not as badly as I used to be anyhow. Today I get to do responsible things, I get to wake up early in a comfortable clean bed and I get to be stressed out for having to do responsible things. I can choose to be happy while doing them, or complain about it all day, and I choose to be happy.
