I am grateful for the gift of desperation. Before I was given this gift from my higher power, I could not stop. This gift taught me what it means to be willing to go to any lengths to stay sober. Not any lengths I believed in. Not any lengths I wanted to. Because I am not religious and I really only ever wanted to control my drinking. And those things kept me drunk. Until 5/31/2020, when something changed.
Epiphany? Spiritual awakening? Psychic change? Something within me seemed to wake up and accept defeat. I accepted that I’m sick, and that because of my disease I will never be able to have a couple beers like a “normal person”. And even though nothing completely new or different happened externally that day, internally my ego stepped aside and allowed me to ask for help. And for that I will always be grateful.