Im really struggling right now, a lot of the mistakes I have made in the past are now popping up and I want to be able to take accountability but I am absolutely scared. Im terrified. I was a horrible person when I was using and fucked over a lot of people and was absolutely not thinking clearly. And now that im in recovery I still carry all this guilt and shame from all that I have done. Im beyond remorseful and I want to turn my life around. Im just scared that my past actions have done too much damage for me to repair. Im constantly running home to isolate because my anxiety has me crippled in public. I find myself crying and praying ,asking god for forgiveness and even trying to ask god to take away the fear but im stuck with it and I don’t know what to do. I surrender and I give up.
Jesus died so that you could be free of that guilt and that shame. To continue to feel this way, is like saying He didn't do enough. "MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT " He tells us. Get convicted of this. Romans is a great place to start. The way you feel is not anything most of us are foreign to. We would not be addicts if we knew how to properly love ourselves. This is something you are going to have to learn Dylan. I found group therapy very helpful for this as so often I would hear someone answer the question that I had yet to ask or make the confession I had yet to make.
My greatest example of what you are currently experiencing is how I felt concerning my children. They're both young adults now and I often wondered if they would ever forgive me. I tried to make my amends regardless for accountability sake. I wholly expected that I would struggle to have a relationship with them easily into their early twenties. God proved me so wrong. This happened less than a year and a half ago and I can honestly say I have not felt the way you are feeling at least not in regards to this relationship for over 6 months. Adults can be a bit tougher. Some relationships will likely be lost. Such is life. I have learned that those relationships are not healthy for me and I refuse to subject myself to continual ridicule for something that I have put behind me. Now I do like to say for every year of abuse you should expect a year of mistrust, in spbriety, from the ones you love. I think that this is fair. We have to realize that the distrust so often comes from a place of Love alone. If we can continue to see it from that perspective I believe it makes rebuilding that relationship so much easier
It is also helpful to explain to others that you are not the same person and that you are so far from the same person you are honestly, possibly discovering for the first time who you truly are. Now maybe this is the case for you maybe it's not
But what you don't do do Dylan is give up!
It is okay to retreat. You know they had the discussion about isolation in sobriety if you haven't watched the video you should. Personally there's nothing wrong in being overwhelmed, falling back and spending time in reflection and meditation. It's actually quite healthy. I personally have spent the last 3 years single for the first time in two decades. I did so at first intentionally so that I could figure myself and my own mess out. Now that I am back on the dating scene I find that I love myself more than I ever have and don't care to share as much of my own time with a lot of these women as they would like. And for that reason I'm still single and unapologetically. I figure that I need more time with my savior is all, and that is something to cherish to be grateful for and to be proud of.
Thank you so much 
I really appreciate the suggestions and kind words.