Had a close family member pass away yesterday and I’m trying to get through it I’ve got 8 years clean but I’ve never wanted to use more than I do now knowing the tools I was given and the support that I have is the only way I can get through it just don’t know
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Sorry for your loss
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My deepest sympathies. Meetings, your network. Go somewhere privately and scream and yell if you need to. You can get through this with the help of your higher power and your network of sober support. 
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Sympathies. But hang in there. You already know death is a part of life so leveling using because of it makes no sense. Our minds will make any excuse to use. Hang in there buddy.
I know that part of my life is over
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