I’m trying to find when I will be happy. I can be happy at times but for the majority of the time im not and it fuckin sucks. I don’t understand why i feel like this. My life doesnt suck. I like to joke around and make people laugh which makes me laugh too but once that laughter is gone, I’m right back to blah jenn. One of the main reasons i drank was to be happy. I would be until i had way too much and then well you guys know what happens lol but yeah I just need to find my happiness. I need to talk to my therapist about this before i find myself driving to the liqour store cause ive been thinking about going these past few weeks. Ok im done. Thanks for reading 
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I think real happiness might be a product of positive action. Addiction might be a chemical short circuit? Could be total bs. Worth a shot tho. I still feel good about good stuff i did. And I do stuff that I know I’ll feel good about later. So maybe? Or I’m just an adrenaline/do-gooder junky…
I’m personally going for glad these days. Something a little closer to relief? I feel relieved to be intact. Peaceful. Not a target.
I dunno about happy. Happy created a ton of pain for me. I was probably wrong about it somehow. I’m not sure I trust it. Not my active definition, anyway… Glad however gets me home every nite.
How do you define happy? Is happy not being hungover and able to think? If happy being physically active then take a walk. If happy is helping others volunteer your time. If happy is having a calm morning with a cup of coffee then do that. Start small and manageable with happy and go from there! Starting new activities is a positive step in the right direction!
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Jenn….. Have you thoroughly worked all 12 steps with a sponsor?
How’s your relationship with the God of your understanding?
Happiness is an inside job. We can not put our happiness on external things.
Write out a gratitude list. Get to a meeting every day. Pray and meditate on your knees every morning and night. Sounds like you have some heavy duty step work to do. WE must get into the solution with a vigorous plan of action.
Remember 1 in 10 of us make it. Which one are you going to be??
Best wishes 
I can relate... I feel like drugs and alcohol kinda stunted my growth as a person so now I really have no clue how yo enjoy myself. I'm pretty good at acting like I'm fine even if my world seems like it's crashing down on me. Whats helpin me now is a couple old friends of mine I haven't spoken to or seen in years that got sober. We ran into eachother a couple weeks ago and they have their own sober magic the gathering club. So now I'm nerdin it out with a couple of good sober ppl that know exactly what I'm going through... it's not happiness but I feel like it's a step in the right direction and all those little steps add up. Beats the alternative...
You have to start by looking within your own heart I think so many of us have been there I found hope I can share with you a suggestion and that’s to forgive yourself , love yourself, and do things that lift your spirits I hope this helps a little 
you can make it believe in yourself god loves you, me , keep searching inside yourself and shine on 