I can relate. Reach out if you want to talk?
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I understand this too muchā¦it took me so long to find my strength again
Donāt do that get to a meeting
Relatable.. had to get a protection order against my ex. It's insane to think that we can miss someone who hurt us so badly 
but I keep telling myself I wasn't in love with him, I was in love with the idea of who I thought he could be. Best of luck to you 
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Oh my! I canāt tell you how much it pains me to read this as I can relate. I was deeply affected and in my drinking ten years from 53-63 after I ended our 23 year marriage because of it. I was bitter, angry & felt I wasted years of my life tolerating it. I wanted so badly to forgive as I knew thatās what last hold he had on me. I just didnāt know how I possibly could as he was so nasty mean. Every single thought of each incident would send me spiraling into a angry drunken episode. I tried many times to get sober and failed but I never gave up tryin. Iād go through bouts of drinking for months until something happened that made me think oh, this is bad, itās time I try again. I finally went to a fantastic rehab hospital & stayed 1 week. I prayed this time it would be an excellent one and it was! I got diagnosed with unaddressed trauma, anxiety & PTSD. Iām 8 mths sober now & in bi weekly therapy. Iām doing all the homework & feeling so amazing. You can too. Dont go without addressing that unaddressed trauma.
Itās crazy but I understand this because men also go through abusive relationships and itās so hard to get out of because of codependency issues, but you gotta stay strong now just like you were when you said enough is enough. Iāll pray for you.