Have you guys gone through the process of cutting out friends you may care about deeply but they just remind you too much if your drunken or drugged past ?
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They donāt mind Iām sober. But the act of being around them is a trigger
I cut out my drinking buddies. They were disappointedā¦.and a little jealous. They totally understood, but thought it was a judgement on them. Which isnāt. This is about you and what you need.
It's weird. Most of my friends are drinking friends, but there are a few that I can hang with and drink my soda waters and iced teas and such without being made fun of or treated oddly. And I discovered that one of my friends is also newly sober. I think the friendship energy must just ebb and flow and I'm hopeful that down the road alcohol will be less of a temptation to me than it is now. Good luck finding your people who are safe to hangout with!
I did it at 24 when I first got sober. I literally broke up with my gf, and told my friends I was going away for treatment. I returned home from a long term facility 9 months later. I never called them again. I started over. The problem was without alcohol or drugs, I never developed any real friends over the next 30 plus years (excluding my wife). I had many acquaintances, but no real friends. Some of those acquaintances probably thought we were closer friends than I did, but I just always felt different because I didnāt hang out and drink. I played on a few adult league sport teams, and these guys are my friends in the field, but I always feel disconnected from the group because I passed on the get togethers. Sobriety can be lonely if you donāt make new sober friends. Thatās why meetings and fellowship are so important. Iāve been sober 11 months now, and Iāve got a few good friends for the first time in forever. I suggest you remove yourself for several months from your friends if they are drinking and drugging, and go find yourself a few sober friends.
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Yes lots, including my mom (wonāt even get into that mess). Itās a grieving process even though they are still here, if that makes sense. But thereās a lot of grief that comes with sobriety. Grieving your old life, old friends, etc. I had to learn to feel feelings again so I could start the process, but I care more about my life and my goals than people who are going to stand in the way of that. Put your energy into yourself and others in recovery. The last time I spoke to my mom I relapsed, I will never give her that power over me again. Iām powerless over my addiction but Iām not powerless over my choices.
Yeah, I got rid of them by being an obnoxious drunk.
I've learned to always put my sobriety first. And keep mindful of people, places, things. I've lost friends because the relationships no longer served either party, and I've also opted out of weddings etc because I knew it could jeopardize my sobriety. I've learned that what others think of me is none of my business! Keeping it to my side of the streetš
I sometimes think my life is boring. But the reality is that I am no longer causing drama or chaos by my behaviors while Iām drinking. Iām fortunate not to have physical or legal consequences, but I absolutely annihilated my relationships with family and friends. Some of the relationships I just needed to leave behind because I donāt live my life around ādrinkingā anymore. Other relationships, I would like to repair and find some other commonality. Gotta change people, places, and things that trigger you. It just takes a little time to see the positive changes that come from not drinking.
Dude, I'm struggling with the same thing right now. Only, instead of reminding me of drinking days, my sobriety is showing me how much of a negative person they are.
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Theyāre all long gone. I never cared too deeply for most of them. A few exceptions and they hurt.
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Absolutely! Seemed to naturally kind of fade though. As I have gone through a spiritual awakening and done lots of self work. It seems that toxic things and people in my life just donāt really fit anymore. So saying āgoodbyeā wasnāt hard or even felt like it happened. It just kind of happed naturally. Best wishes!
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I used to be afraid of having to cut people out. I mean the only best friends I had are drunks. I didnāt want to be alone but if I continued hanging out with them nothing was going to change. So I would say āI have to love them from afarā but how others have said, they slowly fade or they just become cool with the idea of you being in AA good luck
Yes! My friends actually stopped talking to me and it was the best thing! I want to make a new life, one with out alcohol, although I'm lonely it's for the better!
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Thatās the part of sobriety I really struggled with, learning I didnāt really have all that much in common with some people Iāve considered good friends for a long time. Maybe instead of cutting them out try inviting them to do things you enjoy outside of drinking and see which ones that sticks with.
This is absolutely necessary to stay sober