Having a hard day I think my subconscious is trying

Recovery
#1

Having a hard day I think my subconscious is trying to fool my concious either to drink or suicide. Im almost two year sober from alcohol and about eight months from nicotine. I have lost a literal fortune have very few job propects, my wife is trying but i dont think she gives a shlit about me anymore my Son thinks im a loser and my daughter has adhd so she has no clue. Drink or gun in the mouth but i really dont want to die i just want to stop.the emotional bs and self loathing

#2

Hi William, neither option is a great option. Do you have access to some kind of meeting? That usually helps me get my head a little straighter. Sending you some positive thoughts and direction.

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#4

Sending love :heart:

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#5

I probably do but decided this could be my meeting

#6

Thank you

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#7

William , are you opposed to anti-depressants to help with your suicidal ideation?

#8

Was on some for a while made it worse.

#9

Ok, hang on to life my spiritual brother. Keep in touch with me.

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#10

It might help to actually attend a meeting, considering sometimes it take some time to receive replies on here.

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#11

William I’m glad you’re here sharing what you’re going through. My story is very similar. I lost my marriage, my home, I gave up my career but I’m 28 months sober and 27 months off nicotine and caffeine from coffee or energy drinks, and my life is really flipping awesome. It’s not easy but I’ve learned a few tools, made some really awesome friends and dove head first into AA. I’m sponsoring others in the program, I attend meetings, I have a service commitment, I’m practicing the 12 steps daily. My suggestion is to find a meeting near by and go to it. Share this with someone before or after the meeting or you can speak up during the meeting. Get a sponsor and take direction. It’s changed my life! I’m still healing but I have copping tools. Find your higher power. God is good. Pray and meditate. Ask for guidance.
I pray for your healing!

#12

AA may not be for everyone im glad you have your niche. I go theough these spells every few weeks it seems.

#13

Hey, you aren’t in this alone. You are not a looser, failure or any of that. The fact you care enough to stay sober says a lot about you, you are a good person.

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#14

Thanks that means alot

#15

Please go to the Emergency Room if it gets really bad... remember Suicide is a Permanent fix to a Temporary problem..there is a Solution to EVERY problem... Suicide is NOT the answer... MANY people love you, including on this app or the recovery community and are here to support you...all you need to do is Reach Out..I'm sure someone here has been through the exact same thing you are going through... Remember: You Are NOT alone!

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#16

Its just crazy how my subconscious is trying to trick me to drink its as bad as the nicotine demon that speaks for me at the gas station checkout. I have been drinking since early teens as a coping mechanism for repeated sexual assults by a coach and teacher. Dealing with alot trying to not sepf defeat.

#17

We dont begin healing untill we are heard

#19

No i really dont like drugs im trying to stay off them lol

#21

Possiblity of that nothing ever 100% or definitive imo