Hey all.
So I had my appointment this last Wednesday with my new psychiatrist. She was wonderful, & I was able to get the medication I needed. Unfortunately, I had to reiterate my history, which brought up a lotttttttttt of trauma. A lot.
Tonight, a bunch of my friends from a previous job are all meeting at a bar because sht hit the fan at the restaurant we worked at. Everyone is getting together to vent & get hammered. The alcoholic in me really wants to go. Have a few shots, turn my brain off for a few hours, see some old friends. Instead, I decided to clean my apartment. Vacuumed all the floors, changed the litter box, washed my bedding. Literally just trying to stay busy. I wish I could trust myself to go & not drink, but I’m not at that point, and I don’t think I will be for a long time. So I’m staying in, and trying to be grateful for everything I have going for me. A beautiful kitty (who’s curled up next to me as I type,) a steady income, a cozy apartment of my own, a strong support system, and my iron fcking will. Beating this is not easy, and I am considering tonight a huge victory.🫶
Well done Rachel! 
Absolutely amazing!! Lots of accomplishments!!!!
Great accomplishment. Keep it up! 
Good for you love! That is a huge victory!
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That is HUGE! Great job! Keep being awesome Rachel!
Knowing when to say no to triggering situations is a great tool to use. Good job
Rachel, congrats on staying busy and avoiding temptation!
In the beginning sharing my story would dig up the emotions I had attached to the trauma. As for not going places where alcohol is severe, I too had to refrain from these places for the first 2 years of sobriety. My sponsor told me one day after I had told him that a group of friends wanted to go to a karaoke bar and I said I can’t, that we can go to these functions as long as we check our motives or set our intentions positively. That night I left for a meeting quickly. I felt triggered as in if I went with them I’d drink. But what my sponsor said made sense, if my motives are to take from the event then surely I’ll drink. If my motives are to give to the event then I can go and not drink. So for me I ask myself why am I going? What can I bring to this event? These simple questions gets me out of the equation. I’m selfish and if I don’t check myself I’ll take and take until I’m drunk. I can go anywhere alcohol is being served without a doubt as the obsession has been since removed.
you did the right thing in not going. Congratulations on a good decision 
That definitely is true for some people. It’s not true for me at this point in my sobriety. Even if I went to a bar with zero intention of drinking, it’s not a guarantee that I’d be able to follow through with that.
Congrats on making the right decision my friend.
Suggestion from someone who doesn’t necessarily love meetings - get to one when this feeling hits. Meeting sober people and venting this real time to a group of peers who will hold you up in the moment helps crush that feeling. Keep on keeping on.
Heck yah!!! This is amazing!
That's awesome you made good decisions. Self control is a hard fought victory.
Stay home and enjoy a movie with a sober friend during events like this.
Nicely done Rachel!! And there will come a time when reliving your past isn’t quite so difficult and painful!!! It used to really bother me too. But today I’m grateful for everything I went through to get here. Especially the most painful stuff!! It took what it took and I’m happy to have survived so I can share my story with others and maybe even make a difference to a fellow alcoholic. You definitely made the right decision too!! Keep doing the next right thing and you will continue to grow and your life will continue to get better and better!!!!
That’s awesome Rachel. So proud of you.
I completely understand. It took me two years of continuous sobriety to be able to go places where alcohol is served.
One day at a time